Pregnancy with a Side of Adoption

April 16, 2008

Opening shots will be of many different ultra sound pictures and during this montage, the song “FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS” will be playing. After the song plays once through, the camera will cut to the narrator sitting in the Lourdes hospital nursery as they say:

There are 133 million births each year. That is 247 births every minute, or four babies born every second. Each year in the United States, there are approximately 120,000 adoptions. Slightly more than half of these are related adoptions, meaning the person or persons adopting the child are a blood relation or stepparent of the child. The remaining adoptions are unrelated adoptions, meaning the person or persons adopting the child are not related to the child. In addition, between 12,000 and 15,000 children born in foreign countries are adopted by U.S. residents each year. (Atkinson)

After the narrator finishes talking, she will be walking down the hospital halls to a birthing room where she will peek her head in and see a woman giving her son to a couple. Then she will say,

It takes courage, dignity and an unselfish person to love their baby so much to want to give him or her a better life. Not every adoption case is that way, but this one is and many are. Though there is a long process, adoption can be a miraculous thing. The giving of a human life to a couple whom really wants to take care and raise a child is not only a difficult step for a biological family, but a proud moment. There is no telling what brought these two families together, no way to know what the future will bring either… for we are just a set of eyes watching from the doorway. We are just a passerby.

First interview: Nicole Lester and husband adopted Nicole’s younger sisters’ baby after hearing she was pregnant. The camera will show Nicole and her husband playing with Jane in a park then it will cut to a bench where the interview will take place.

“Since we first got married we always wanted to have children. We found out in the first 2 yrs we couldn’t have children. After trying fertility treatments and no successes we decided to adopt. We proceeded with adoption and Jane was born on March 17, 1996 and we adopted her 6 months later. The day we brought her home was really emotional. I felt as thought I was stealing this perfect child...but the birthmother told us..."she is a gift," and she is right! We have an open adoption. She and the birthfather visit 3 or 4 times a month. I cannot predict the future, but so far this has been wonderful. I think the key to a successful open adoption is keeping in mind what is the BEST for the child. To all birthmothers, I commend you for having the courage to choose a life for your child that you cannot provide at a given moment. It is with the utmost love and unselfishness that such a decision is made.” (Lester)

Second interview: Leslie Carwright will be show caring for her baby at home then cut to the living room for the interview.

“We wanted the baby God had planned for us, and in the end we know that she was created just for us! We definitely wanted her needs to be taken care of; after all, she was carrying a child that she would soon entrust to us, and call us her parents. The gift she was giving us was so pure and sweet and done with so much strength, maturity and love, that we wanted to mirror our deep heartfelt gratitude back to her for the precious gift she was giving us, her baby, now our daughter, and yes, even her own self. God brought us together over an internet lead, which led to a meeting and that lead to a match meeting with our birth mom. She chose a semi open adoption plan, and wanted us to be able to be at appointments as we wanted to be, and the birthing was untouched as it needed to be her choice, which she ultimately chose to have us there, and we were so very glad because we were the first to hold and feed our baby girl, and we were able to be there for our dear birth mom and help meet her needs and share with her on this special day that she brought our daughter into this world! It was a beautiful time that we anticipate sharing with our daughter when the time is right, though we plan to plant seeds about her adoption from the beginning.” (Carwright)

The camera will then cut to the narrator sitting in an adoption agency as she says,

Most adoptions happen through agencies. There are steps that are taken to make sure the birth parents choose a family they feel will take care of their unborn child the best. There are letters that can be read, pictures to be seen, names to scan over, biographies and in some instances a meeting is set up.

“Children leave one family and join another... They experience changes, they adjust, they grow, they learn, they love, they grieve, they wonder, they question, they know, adoption is forever, a part of who they are.” (The Family and Children’s Society)

After that interview is finished, the camera will cut to a teenage girls’ bedroom with the song “Clocks” by Coldplay playing the background. After a minute of the song playing, the camera will show the teenage girl in the corner reading her diary aloud:

“Sometimes I do joke about things. Like my mother’s obsession with having Sparkling Grape Juice every New Years Eve even after I became the legal age for drinking, or my father’s way of saying his brains are leaking through his head because of a mole or something that is on his skull, or my sister Shannon’s way teaching me how drink liquor at age 11. There are just some things I do not joke about however. Such as, Coldplay is the best band ever, and pregnancy with a side of adoption.

I never was the one that was popular in school. I wore jeans outdated by centuries, shits that had weird sayings on them like, “There's a lot of stuff in hot dogs.” No one really liked it, not even Andrea Simmons, my best friend who wore the matching shirt just to make me happy once. I am not a geek in high school. I don’t like the communications kids who are all about the audio visual department. I am not a nerd either. I don’t hang out in the library working on other people’s homework while mine sits to collect dust and eventually ends up with a C- or D on the top in red ink with a note attached saying, “See me after class.” I am not preppy. I didn’t not try out for cheerleading any season just so that the male ‘ya-ya-shish-boom-ba’ ones could put me in the air for a pyramid to sneak a peek at my cash and prizes under my skirt. However, I did make the squad for one season and only was base, flying was out of my league. I guess I am not in a clique in school. I am just trying to make it through without a bunch of unneeded drama.

However, yesterday I found out I was pregnant. Talk about High School drama! ”

At that time, the girl will move to her bed where she says,

“That was my life, my reality… four years ago when I was 19-years-old. I came out of a bad relationship, thought I was ready to move on -- until I peed on that $20.00 stick that held the answer to my future. And as I suspected, the lines showed… and I was pregnant. I remember throwing it at my best friend who was there for moral support. I hated the result and was ready to sue CVS and e.p.t.® Pregnancy Test because I was certain the test was wrong. For CVS, it was a how-dare-you-sell-me-a-defective-pregnancy-test thing.

To make a long story short and I can guarantee it would be long; I had a baby 9 months later. Everyone I wanted there was there. My mom, me, the nurse, the midwife… and a lovely couple I would end up treasuring for the rest of my life. Chad and Christina; they stood there, one holding my hand as I screamed in pain, the other biting her nails as she watched her son be born.

At 2:22am on rainy Monday morning in July, Ethan was born.”

At that time, the girl will begin to tell us the details of her pregnancy and adoption.

“It was scary; there is no doubt about that. I think that any unplanned pregnancy is scary no matter what the circumstances or nature of how it happened is. I don’t think what scared me most was the fact that I was still only a senior in high school and that I would be graduating eight months pregnant, I think it was the feeling of letting down people like my mother. Her find out that I was not as responsible as I had led myself on to be and that now I was stuck in a position where I had to be adult and figure out what would be best for my unborn baby.

I laid the options out in my head and went through them one by one. Wondering why I made the choices I did, thinking how stupid I was for believe the father of this baby loved me, and how ridiculous I would look in maternity jeans with elastic waists. My options were all the same as everyone else’s who has ever been in my position. 1. Keep the baby and raise it, 2. Adoption and 3. Abortion (and no matter how many times I said this list to myself, abortion always seemed not to be an option for me.)

I don’t think I came to the realization that I couldn’t keep the baby, I think it was already a commonsense kind of thing. There was no way I could do that, I was not fit to be a mother and not ready to play “house.”

Adoption became not only my selection, but a whole new and scary experience for me. I don’t know how I choose Chad and Christina. I don’t know why either. I think that somehow, the little unborn in life inside of me was telling me that he or she wanted them for parents. I know it is impossible, but I believe it.

I remember telling them I was pregnant, and two seconds later after that, we were all agreeing they would adopt. I am sure they remember the day more precisely, but to me the details are vague.

Now that I think about it, the nine months went fast and my belly grew so much it looked like I had eaten 50 watermelons whole. They were there for me the whole time. Accompanying me to the doctors and ultra sounds, paying for all the bills and making sure I got what I needed. The day of the delivery came fast and went fast. I can’t believe it has been almost four years ago when I held that little boy Ethan in my arms and told him he would have the best parents and life he could ask for. I meant that when I said it to him, and I was right. He has the family he deserved… the one I couldn’t give him.

I just hope he understands.”

At that time, a montage of pictures will begin. Each time the montage changes, there will be two pictures, one of the baby with the biological family and one with the adoptive family, after about 5 of those, there will be pictures of kids waiting to be adopted while the song “FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS” will be playing. At the end of the montage, a list of adoption services will run through with the following for Broome County:

Family & Children's Society: Counseling & Adoption Services

- www.familycs.org - (607) 729-6206

All Woman’s Help Center

- (607) 723-3342

New Hope Family Services

- www.newhopefamilyservices.com- (315) 448-2300

Catholic Charities of Broome: Pregnancy Parenting & Adoption

- www.catholiccharitiesbc.org - (607) 729-9166

For places and services in your area, type ‘adoption services’ and your city and state in Google.

The music will fade and the credits will roll.

Work Cited

Atkinson, Jeff. The American Bar Association GUIDE TO FAMILY LAW. New York: Random

House, 1996.

Carwright, Leslie. Interview. 26 March 2008

Lester, Nicole. Interview. 5 April 2008

The Family and Children’s Society. http://www.familycs.org/program.aspx?pID=42&sID=2.

5 April 2008

FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS

With so many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure.
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I've been thinking, 'cause it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

[Chorus]

And maybe, you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before.
By someone who delivered your son, From God's arms to my arm's to yours.
Now if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know.
How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.
And knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

{Repeat Chorus}

Now I know you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me?
The first time that he ties his shoes or falls and skins his knee,
And could you hold him twice as long when he makes his mistakes.
Tell him that he's not alone, sometimes that's all it takes -
I know how much he'll ache.

This may not be the answer for another girl like me.
And I'm not on a soapbox saying how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above.
And I'm trusting you can give our baby both his mother's love.

{Repeat Chorus}

Lyrics and music is copyrighted by Michael McLean.
The song's original album is called "One Heart in the Right Place"

No Turning Back

She hadn’t seen him in awhile; then again, “awhile” to her was in all reality only a week. She didn’t want to see him. Just the thoughts of being in his presence made her body go numb. She felt powerless when she was with him. He always seemed like a lion ready to pounce and sink his razor sharp teeth into her when she said the wrong thing. And even now, when she had gotten away from him, he made her feel uncomfortable.

Yet, she felt she was supposed to impress him. She fluffed her hair and pressed together her lips, making sure her Velvet Rose lipstick was evenly spread around. She had chosen that color to match her red hair: color 97. She colored it that color only because he said he liked it. He liked it only because his favorite number and his racing number were 97. She hated it now and even thought about shaving her head so that the color would no longer be a remembrance of him.

She had almost chickened out in doing this, but her best friend said she had to tell him. She knew she had to- she had no choice. She owed it to herself to tell him. But she wasn’t going into this blind; she hadn’t forgotten what he had done to her or put her through. She still had every scar from his fists to remind her of him every day.

He’d be there too. She knew it. It was a trashy place down town. Somewhere with a completely opposite feel to it rather than the place they had met. He had been into these trashy places. The kind where half the lights in the sign were out, and if one hadn’t happened before she got there, a bar fight soon would take place. She didn’t have to look for his car, because he would be there. It caught her eye though, the shimmering of the blue paint and the silver flames jumped out at her as if to mock her as she walked by. He had probably just waxed it. He loved that car: a 1969 Ford Maverick that had a leaky roof and torn apart interior because he was more infatuated with the exterior.

There he was, by the bar sipping his Corona and lime as if he owned the place. Sitting on a bar stool with his hand on his tight jeans that hugged his tall scrawny legs, and his plaid button-down farmer shirt that in all honestly he looked absolutely gorgeous in.

He was surrounded by his usual cloud of smoke. She stayed by the door- she couldn’t inhale that in her condition. It was a fragile situation. So she waited until he noticed her.

When his eyes caught a glimpse of her, she could almost see him foaming at the mouth. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he said. His clothes smelled as if they were washed in tobacco and his breath smelled like beer. His words were toxic.

She wasn’t giving into his fake boyish charm. “You didn’t want to anyway.”

“I did. You look great.”

“You didn’t. You don’t care if I am even alive. And I didn’t come here to fish for compliments. Stop trying to win me over- we’ve already been there, and I am not going back again.”

“Why you here then?” He seemed to give up on trying to impress her quickly and she was correcting his grammar in her mind.

“I need to tell you-“

“Nope, don’t care.” He cut her off like a slap to the face.

“I know. You never did. You know I am stubborn though. So I will…”

“Tell me.”

“I was going to.” Seconds seemed like years as they passed. She fumbled for the words that wouldn’t make him mad, but nothing seemed to fit together right. This was fire and dynamite she was playing with and any wrong word could lead to a deadly explosion. “I can’t. You said you’d throw me down the stairs if I ever told you this.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” His jaw dropped the same time his beer slipped out of his grip and shattered on the floor. She could almost see the steam coming out his ears and nose. His head looked like it was going to spin off like a tornado. She felt the cold liquid of his beer on her shoes.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be-“

“You never mean anything.”

Why was she apologizing? This wasn’t just her fault. It takes two to tango, that is what her mother always said. But, “I am sorry” just kept coming out of her mouth like word vomit. She sobbed in front of him like a baby. Her tears running into her mouth and leaving a salt after taste, this was a taste she could relate to when she was around him.

“You’re not sorry! You never were for anything! And didn’t you learn your lesson from me about crying?” He raised his hand like he was going to slap her, but instead he grabbed her hand in his. “Your palms are sweaty.”

“They’ve been like this since I found out.” She yanked her hand away with a how-dare-you-think-about-touching-me look on her face. “But what do you care? You want to throw me down the stairs, right?”

He rolled his eyes as he lit another cigarette. “Better yet…” he had no emotion. He was empty inside. “There is a bridge nearby. Want to go for a walk?”

She didn’t laugh; he was smirking, but she didn’t laugh. “I knew you couldn’t be civil. What kind of role model would you be? I’ll deal with this myself. I don’t need you- I never have.”

“C’mon baby, don’t be like that. Stop walking away from me.” He almost sounded sincere.

“No, I should keep going. I will not be your puppet to any further extent and I am not only protecting myself anymore.”

Upside down Jack

March 15, 2008

Every since I have had a baby, I have been watching nothing but the NOGGIN or Nick Jr. station. Cartoons galore for people who do not know. Tarrah, my now year and half old daughter loves many shows on there, but I find myself raising a brow at some of them.

Having my daughter learn another language as well as English, I do not have a problem with. Especially if it is Spanish or French, the other two dominate languages. However, there is a new show called Ni Hao, Kai-lan. Not Spanish or French, but Chinese. It is not the fact that I do not want her to be bilingual or tri or quad or any other kind of lingual, it is the fact that she is only a year and half and I don’t think that she should be subject to too many other languages other than English and maybe Spanish.

There is another show called The Wonder Pets that has a guinea pig, turtle and duck that save other animals that are trouble using teamwork as a foundation for their rescues. Granted the story lines are good and educational, the only problem with the show is that the duck, also known as Ming Ming, speaks with a lisp. I don’t know if they did that on purpose, but I do not want my daughter to gain a lisp because of that. Therefore one of our house rules is no Wonder Pets.

The rest of the shows are pretty well rounded. My daughter has her favorites and I cannot argue with a little girl who continually wants to watch The Upside Down Show, A show that stars Shane Dundas and David Collins as two brothers who live together in a strange house with a variety of unusual rooms. Or Jacks Big Music Show, featuring Jack, his best friend Mary, and his drum-playing dog Mel, all of whom are puppets. The show takes place in Jack's backyard clubhouse, and centers on the characters' love for music.

There are more shows that I approve of, however these two are her favorite. She can also sit and watch Blue’s Clues, although sometimes, it is only Shane, David or Jack that can put a smile on her face.

Amazing Intelligence

January 21, 2008

An African Proverb says, “It does take a village, to work with the family, to raise a child and weather the storms of life.” Maybe that was true a long time ago, but nowadays, we can’t trust anyone but the parents to raise a child right. And sometimes, we can’t even trust them to do it right.

Ever since I have had my daughter, I feel like I have been trying to shield her from the woes of the world: the language, the crimes, the heartache and heartbreak. And I know that no matter how much I try, how many TV stations I block, how many times I try to censor my words, something is bound to get into her little brain and “infect” it.

As I watch my 15-month-old daughter go through her life, I am amazed at how much she picks up on things and not only understands, but repeats them. She just started saying the word “no,” and now says it 100 times daily. I know that a lot of the time kids say things just to hear themselves talk.

We can’t shield our kids from everything, and if we could I am sure it would kill them. All we can do is teach kids right from wrong and lead them down the right path. Whether they comply with it or not is a different subject.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B.VINCENT

There is nothing in the Medicine Cabinet

January 18, 2008

Nothing could prepare me the night my daughter woke up at two a.m. screaming bloody murder. I read What to Expect the First Year, but everything in that book flew out of my mind when her tiny voice yelled for me.

She wasn’t running a fever, but she was congested and her nose was like a geyser ready to blow. I wiped it off, gave her some Infants Motrin and she was back to sleep in no time. It was her teeth coming in. Oh what joy those months are when sleeping becomes foreign to you as a parent.

Now at 15-months-old, she was sleeping through the night, but it seemed that she was averaging 13 hours every night. This was unusual, since she was a go to bed late, wake up early kind of girl. The first morning she woke up after 13 hours though, she was accompanied by a new geyser in her nose. Mount Geyser of Tarrah is what I call it, and this thing sprung a leak like no other. Tissues disappeared like cookies, and it was no wonder why.

But when she began coughing, was this because of phlegm due to runny nose from more teething or because our strange winter season in Binghamton, had taken a toll on her health? And to make everything worse, “FDA Warns Parents Against Using Infant Cough and Cold Medicine.” My jaw dropped when I read the CNN headline, and there was now only one thing to do... call the doctor, who told me that all I could do is use saline nasal spray and buy a humidifier.

Nothing else was recommended for my child under two, and the last thing she said was, “wait it out, it will go away and she will be fine.” I knew she would be fine. The doctor didn’t need to tell me that. She is my daughter; she is a warrior against runny noses. I just wanted her to be “fine” sooner rather than later.

“The FDA has found in rare cases cough and cold products can cause death, and serious side effects,” Reported by: Michelle Paynter. As I passed the cough, cold and runny nose medicines in Target, I said to my daughter, “I would get you some medicine to help you feel better, but I don’t want to kill you.” It is amazing how our medicine cabinets are so bare now when it comes to children. Some of us just don’t know how to deal with it.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Pinching Pennies or Spending Dimes

January 16, 2008

Being a mother with a single child, I always go into a store to buy one thing, and leave with more than I came for. Then again, I have to be honest with you and I, it isn’t her fault. I have always been a spendy gal, and by gosh, she doesn’t even talk yet to tell me she wants something.

Yet when I went to the Dollar Bazaar (to save some bucks on notebooks), I ended up spending 17 dollars on things I am almost positive I didn’t need. A fleece hat for my daughter, a big green squeaky fish for her bath, two packs of permanent markers, a pack of highlighters, some wet cat food (even though we have dry at home that the cat eats), cat treats, a sign to hang in the foyer about the cat… and the reason I got all this when I don’t need it? Because it was only a DOLLAR! What is deceiving is the sign to the dollar store says, “Everything is $1.00 or less,” so we go in loading up 15 carts with “it’s only a dollar” on our minds and at the register we ended up spending 100 dollars.

On The Ohio State University website, there is a Manage Your Money article written by Ella Mae Bard. She states, “Avoid exposing yourself to things that will tempt you to spend. Stay away from the stores except when you have something you absolutely need to buy. Avoid "just looking." Browsing can lead to buying. Make a list and stick to it.” How I would love to make a list and stick to it… the problem is places like the dollar store.

In this month’s Redbook magazine issue, Christine Larson wrote an article called Spend Less Have More. In this article that opened my eyes, she gave websites that can help with spending money or saving money.

· FREECYCLE.ORG- a place where more than 4 million people belong and list items they no longer want or need. And it’s not EBay... they are giving these items away for FREE!

· GROCERYGAME.COM- tracks sales and specials at the grocery stores around the country.

· COOLSAVINGS.COM or CURRENTCODES.COM- lists thousands of coupon codes that helps you do your online shopping.

With websites like these, I should have a college savings up and running in no time for my daughter. That means less junk in the house, and more money in the bank.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Is 20-years-old… OLD?

January 16, 2008

There has never been a dull moment in my life. I was never a “party girl,” but I did have fun. I am still having fun. I have fun in a way I never expected. I am a mother, to a beautiful baby girl that brings so much joy into my life, any party ever could. I never needed to know what was going on any particular night, because I was positive it would be a blast, and that I would be partaking in it. Although, that was when I was 14, 15, 16-years-old, and I am now 22. You’d think that I am still having a blast every night, and partying until the cows come home. Nowadays, I am not partying until the cows come home; I am waiting for the man in my life to bring home money from his job so that I can go straight to the store for milk.

In a nutshell, I am a mother of a 15-month-old girl, a girlfriend, a student, and a housekeeper. I don’t have too many friends any more, and the ones I do have, are also mothers. Except for one, and she lives over the border into Pennsylvania, so we don’t see each other too often. Somehow though, other mothers find ways to “get out on the town.” and I don't know how, but given the choice, I am very happy with being a mom as often as I can be. It’s not that I am an antsy mother who is scared to leave her child, although I do call every five minutes just in case, it is the fact that I feel bad asking someone to take care of her for a couple hours while I go have fun. When I do head out to a movie or dinner with my boyfriend and leave my daughter with her grandparents, I have a hard time thinking of what I am missing.

I recently watched an episode of Reba on LIFE. Cheyenne said to her mom, “When did you realize you were old and your life was over? I feel like I know what every day is going to be like. I go to school, come home and I am a mother, and then tomorrow is the same and the day after too.” It was something that the audience was supposed to laugh at, but me, I was saying, “You are so right!”

Lately, women are having kids younger and younger. People say that we are too young to have kids, but to other women who want to have a baby at 39, people say that is too old. Where is the happy medium? Since I have a baby, like so many other young women my age do, does that mean our lives are pretty much over?

I have to say that not everyday is the same for me really. Yes, I do go to school… and I am a mother 24/7, but every day is new and exciting because my daughter learns and does something new every day and that makes me think, my life is just beginning.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT