Gone… Bye-2006
Sixteen petals on the hardwood floor
One red dress hanging on the back door
A bottle of wine in a glass
Starring at me, I will drink last
Naked and shivering now
Lost inside but don’t know how
Ladybugs crawl apart
Mocking my now black heart
Your footsteps never around
By you I am bound
Nothing rests here
Nothing sincere
You leave me
Here on knee
Crying
Dying
Gone
Bye
Beautiful Treasure-2006
I broke in.
Disturbing it…
It didn’t matter though
Because I already killed her
Made sure of it
If I didn’t this would be difficult
But I still broke in.
Pulling things apart and tearing her up on the inside.
I was just looking for the treasure.
The beautiful treasure I suddenly desired.
So I killed the oyster
To find my pearl.
Tears of You-2006
You touched my
Cheek
Feeling nothing but
Tears
Your hands shook with
Anxiety
As they ran down my
Face
You have no
Idea
That these tears are because of
You
Our Life Together Prayer-2006
Lord~
Help us to remember…
When we first met.
The stars in our eyes
And the love that we set
Help us to recall…
Our first kiss.
So magical that when we were apart
It’s something we both missed.
Lord~
Guide us through…
The vows we say.
Help us live up to them
In every way.
Pull us through…
When times get rough.
Let us remember
Love is never enough.
Lord~
Remind us in our days-
*The past.
How we met and fell in love-
And how to make it last.
*The present.
Our wedding and vows-
And how much it all meant.
*And always.
Our life together-
Let us remember this phrase...
Lord~
Watch over our marriage
As we go through.
And when things go wrong
Let us look to You.
Let us find faith
In the love we have made.
Let us know…
This is where our lives
Have been set and laid.
Your mouth consumes me
As you breathe intensely upon my skin
Your eyes touch me
Inevitably from within
The night plays upon us
As the stars shine through
The moon watches secretly
As I fall more in love with you
Our first time away together
And here we come to sleep
But upon my skin
Your kisses begin to seep
You are the love of my life
I just don't know where we have been
But we make this love clear tonight
July 30th 2005 in Boston at the Comfort Inn.
"Stranger" of Mine-2006
He doesn't really know me.
He just calls every once in a while.
He doesn't understand me
And he never makes me smile.
He is just a stranger now. . .
Even though his name appears on my caller ID.
He isn't who he says he is. . .
At least not to me.
He doesn't know how I feel,
Although many times I have made it clear.
He never makes me smile
He just brings me a tear.
There aren't that many memories
That I have where he is included.
Whenever we are together
I'd rather not be. . . I'd rather be secluded.
He means nothing to me now. . .
And that is pretty bad.
Especially when this "stranger" of mine. . .
Is none other than my dad.
Losing Jennifer-2006
To: Jennifer Marie Dixon
I love you
Are the words that haunt the night.
I miss you
Words that I can’t seem to right.
It was the way she moved her lips
The way she opened her eyes.
The way she laughs
And the way she cries.
No more tears though
Run from those blues.
Today is the day…
She made headlines in the news.
She would have been great…
To have around forever.
But since that drunk driver took her life…
She is around… never.
Jackson-2006
Unknowingly saying he loved me.
He brought me daisies.
I never told him I liked daisies.
He guessed.
My guess is that he found them on the way to my place.
I never told him where I lived.
He must have followed me once. Or twice. I don’t know.
But he was sweet.
He left them daisies with a letter.
One that said he had to go over seas.
He said he needed a “pal” to write back to. “PAL!” HA!
We weren’t going to be just pals… he knew it.
And now I just wait.
Wait to see him. My sweet
I know I will see him… though it won’t be in this lifetime…but somewhere… else.
Picture Perfect Propaganda-2006
Your picture is like propaganda
Hanging upon my walls.
Eating up peoples minds like termites to wood.
The paraphernalia that lingers around your face
Makes for a perfect draw in for these people.
It disgusts me. You eating at them.
You make me sick.
You say you loved me…
But no.
Never,
Never loved me…
Just want to spread your propaganda along my walls.
You knew you would be hanging there.
After you died.
Oak Tree -2006
The branches wave
As the shadow passes by my window
As if saying good morning
With the robins singing in the background.
Oh beautiful day,
The leaves descend to the ground.
October has fallen upon me,
Yet here I am still in spring.
Smelling the beautiful flowers.
Reading underneath this tree.
Soaking up the sun.
Lying in the grass.
The branches wave.
Saying that their time has come.
Come to say good bye
Until next spring.
Postcards and letters are all I receive now.
The photographs we had are still framed.
He used to laugh at the way I hung my feet
Out the window of his car.
He used to hold me
Underneath the moon and stars.
These written down words are lifeless.
The photos are fading away.
There used to be nothing
That could come between him and I… (PLEASE!)
Tonight and forever it is between us.
The
Upon My Lips-2006
If you kiss me-
The stars would fall
Out of the night sky
If you held my hand-
The ocean’s waves
Would stand still.
Upon my lips
Your kiss would rejoice
For our lips
Could now tango
Around the fact
We have fallen in love.
Moon Strings-2006
Moon strings hang,
Holding the stars in place…
Making the night shine.
AY-2006
Yesterday
It was okay.
For you to say
I love you all the way.
Until the day
You decided to say
Good bye and went on your way.
The Cat-2006
She sits on a mantle
Her black eyes more or less can see.
She sits so calmly
Starring blankly at me.
She swats and swats
The fly she must eat.
She doesn’t pounce and doesn’t dive,
Just sits there on her mantle seat.
Carrots-2006
There are carrots on the floor.
I know that she put them there.
Not quite on purpose,
But she did it.
She loves them carrots.
The more she eats,
The more they end up on the floor.
She used to think they were orange crayons…
That was when she was 3.
She never understood it…
Seeing them there in the grocery store
And in the fridge…
She would say, “MOMMY!
Take them ‘cryons’ out of the ‘fidge’.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
Yet… here they are…
The carrots are on the floor.
The Man on the Bench-2006
He sat there reading the same book
Day in
Day out.
I passed him every morning and afternoon
On the corner
By the store.
He was intensely reading that book
Every single
Day.
I never caught a glimpse of that book title.
Then one day
He was gone.
However, that book sat on that bench
Ragged and
Warn.
I just walked by.
Two weeks passed.
Rain and sun
Hit that book.
I finally got to see the title
When I
Waited for the bus.
“The
Holy
Bible.”
Skin to Skin-2006
Skin to skin
Our cells entwined
Sealing our hearts together
Like a book is bind.
Glistening fingertips
Your hand holds my breast
Pulling me towards you
Our bodies are pressed.
Kisses begin to flow
Like a smooth wine
Swelling up my pores
Making everything fine.
Skin to skin
We pull apart
Waiting a couple minutes
Before we begin another start.
Pearls-2006
Upon her neck
His fingers run.
Tangling with her hair every so often,
Her skin is like the sun.
She is burning up,
The moisture drips.
Running down his palm
From his tingling fingertips.
The touch of her neck
It is nothing but bear.
He runs his tongue down her cleavage,
And says, “You need something there.”
This man who is older and wiser,
Says, “This here is not for girls.
This necklace is for a woman.
These are genuine pearls.”
Rainy Thursday Miles Away-2006
It’s raining on my doorstep
And on my window sill.
Rust is running down the screen door
And has eaten up the old mill.
The barn has fallen to the ground
And buried the land alive.
The clocks never work anymore…
They chime only at five.
The grass that is left
Has died and turned brown.
No new neighbors have moved in,
No one ever comes around.
Wine is splashed upon my walls
Leaving them stained red.
Fools fell in love
Then ended up dead.
Midnight-2006
Midnight-
16 stars painted bright yellow
Keeping the night
Nice and mellow.
The moon to hang
From a string
In wonderment
Of what morning might bring,
The night
From dusk till dawn
Another night shattered
By the morning being drawn.
Overflowed Dimensions Crash-2006
Beyond dimension
Feelings crash
A silence no man knows.
The unspeakable silence
Of emotions overflowed
To a land where no man goes.
Swinging-2006
I saw you there
Swinging your life away
Back and forth
Like it’s the beginning of May.
You take me back
Blue eyes and blonde hair.
Into the slides and swings
With a joyful stare.
Little tiny legs
I could barely get off the ground.
Trying my best to move that swing
With every grunting sound.
You take me back.
To when I was 4…
When my life made sense
Why doesn’t it anymore?
Used Mistress-2006
Does he tell you he loves you
With a look,
A smile,
Or a touch?
No.
He tells me with a kiss
A word
A sexual experience…
Things to remember.
He never tells you shit.
You may think he does…
But you are ignorant.
You are nothing,
A piece of dirt,
Slim
Or scum.
You are just the used mistress.
Black Sand-2006
The black sand
Covers our bodies
With our
Caucasian skin
Seeping through.
Little white pearls
Upon our torsos are spew.
In the night
Our little body pearls
Look as though we are carrying
The stars.
Making us perfect in the night
Covering our scars.
Sleeping on the beach
Our bodies know nothing more
Than the stars at night
And the water at our feet.
Black sand beaches
Our secret place to meet.
White Sand-2006
The white sand
Made your green eyes
Glow.
The rumble of the waves
Made your heart beat
Slow.
Our legs entangled
In the ocean’s foam of
White.
All the stars shine
In your beautiful eyes
Tonight.
Our greens and blues
Fall in love
Together.
White sand beaches
You and me~
Forever.
His Music to Me Died-2006
“My love”,
This love…
A fire that burns deep.
“This fire”
This fire can speak.
Before him I walked
The “boulevard of broken dreams.”
Time after time
My heart was shaped
But not whole.
Then there he was…
Until now.
He exists in my life no more.
Although…
“Wish you were here”
Still plays on in my head.
“A song for sleeping” plays
Cursing the night away.
A “warning” sounds…
When “clocks” chime…
He isn’t coming back.
It never was a “holiday”
But he would dress up
And “take me out.”
Everyone could see me in him…
In his eyes.
They said “you’ve got her in your pocket,”
But it was the pocket of his heart.
Suddenly though,
It was like I was less than perfect…
Incapable of his love.
It wasn’t September,
But he always said “wake my up when September ends”
So he could be in my arms.
It was “the time of your life”
The time of mine too.
Then all the pieces fell.
And those pieces…
Keep “falling to pieces.”
My Rock and Roll Man-2006
He greases his hair
With the same gel he has used since 1960.
He comes to my room
And sings that same song to me.
He snarls his nose
And curls his lips…
Making my mind blow
As he wiggles those hips.
Those plastered on white pants
And those dimples are divine.
Girls scream they love him,
But he will always only be mine.
His genuine smile
And gorgeous brown eyes…
Nothing but worn out smiles
As another heart throbbing celebrity, love of my life, no one better in Rock and Roll...
Dies.
This Here Rocking Chair-2006
About Grandma Snedeker
Wooden and wobbly I sit.
Holding her as if she were glass.
Fragile and worn,
But tough enough to breath.
She rocks with me.
Back and forth
As if she were going somewhere.
But this old thing couldn’t take us across the room,
Let alone across the world.
Yet we traveled many dreams here
In this wooden wobbly thing.
She is wrinkled
And ready to go.
Holding my hand as if it were her last time.
Wooden and wobbly I sit.
In this here rocking chair.
The one that rocked my grandma to Heaven.
My Black Eyes, Blue Tears-2006
My mascara is running,
The liner follows behind.
I run through the memories of us,
Then I push rewind.
My eyes look like raccoon eyes,
My face is the color of a cherry.
My blue eyes can no longer take the attention,
And my beauty can no longer carry… on.
My black eyes,
Are like wounds from war.
My blue tears,
Are like rain beginning to pour.
I never remove my makeup,
When I feel that urge to cry.
I just sit in front of the mirror,
And take a good look at I.
When the bad day is coming,
The makeup is not pushed away.
I pack it on,
Cause it’s just another day.
My black eyes,
Take me to another place.
My blue tears,
Just add beauty to my face.
So when I cry,
I make sure that people know…
The mascara running down my face
Doesn’t need a tissue to go.
I just let it run,
Run and run.
Until all my crying
And heartache is done.
I Carry Your Heart to The End-2006
Beyond the moon and the stars
I find no love as great as ours.
I carry your heart to the end
Calling you my lover, more than a friend.
I carry your heart wrapped in my heart
Finding ways to love you even when we are apart.
Across the oceans and continents in our way
I find no perfect words for me to say…
I love you beyond the moon and planets in the sky.
I love you like no tomorrow, I love you like you love I.
In the midst of our kisses and the wraps of our embrace…
I know this is where I want to be… with you… anytime any place.
I carry your heart to the end
Calling you my lover, more than a friend.
Old Oak Tree-2006
My sleepiness amounts
In quantities I can’t handle.
The night never ceases to amaze me,
With the stars and moon to light a path,
We sleep rather than stare in awe.
Drowsy and half dead, I walk.
The old oak still is old
Yet it looks young in the night.
The maple is jealous. Its leaves tickle the old oak
In saying, “I wish I were loved.”
The old oak…We loved that tree…
AV with a heart around it…
The place we met on a starry night,
The moon hanging by strings
As we kissed underneath…
Hoping that forever we would be
By this old oak tree.
Sleepy- Not only me. The old oak withers into dust.
Roses don’t surround this tree-
Not like they used to. The bark has peeled away-
The leaves have fallen to the ground.
The old oak is tired-
Tired of being around…The maple lives on
In spite of the time…We faded away Like that tree.
Now sadly, the old oak doesn’t remember me.
Eye Twinkle-2006
I saw his face and caught a glimpse of his eye.
The twinkle that was there…
It wasn’t a mistake.
He loved me… still.
But yet he HELD HER.
He kissed her.
He loved her.
It was pretend…
For her.
For I…
I knew it.
He loved me.
He did always.
He kissed upon MY LIPS.
He loved me… still.
The twinkle was there.
It was the twinkle he…
Had when we first met and first kissed long ago.
I Touch My Face-2006
I touch my face,
The tears fall down.
I can’t help but cry
At these bodies all around.
They did nothing wrong
And yet it’s the price they pay
To die for their religion
Every single day.
I feel the pain
They feel inside.
I know it’s hard
They have nowhere to hide.
They beg and beg
But you just can’t see
They are Jewish, but people like you and me.
The tears I feel
They are no my own
They are of these people
Who feel so alone.
“
He’s my “
Blonde haired
Blue eyed “
Creeping into my mind
Like he belongs there.
Dictating my relationship
On account we didn’t work,
He’s my “
5’5’’
With a goatee “
“
The one that was my soul mate.
The one that laid on my trampoline with me
And the one that played with my hair.
The one that sat on my mom’s car roof with me
To watch fireworks on the fourth.
The one that sent me letters
When we were miles apart.
The one that took me to his prom
Even though we were just friends.
The one that kissed me at that red light
On the way to the after prom party.
The one that got his heart broken
Because I felt I needed
To be with my “Pacey.”
“
He’s my “
7 rings on a necklace from 1999
That means he loves me everyday… “
Two Pink Lines-2006
About Tarrah Allen
It was midnight
The air was cold.
He paced back and forth
As our lives took a fold.
We raced to CVS
Down through town about 10 miles.
We ran inside
Up and down the aisles.
Finding the right one
We grabbed it and paid.
We never thought it would come to this
But he was jittery and I just prayed.
“Lord if this is how it is
And how it is going to be…
Please keep in mind I love him
And he loves me.”
I sat there by myself
With one hand on my chest
I could feel my heart racing
Like it was coming straight through my breasts.
We already knew the results,
Cause I was more than a month too late.
Yet we sat there for those long two minutes
And all we could do was wait.
The results appeared…
Two pink lines…
We were becoming three
We saw all the signs.
In nine months
The precious one would arrive…
We both were scared,
But now she makes us feel so alive.
Our little daughter
Born on October 7th 2006 at 9:49 at night.
Tarrah Rayne Allen,
The girl who makes our days so bright.
Here in the arms
Of her mommy and daddy too.
Tarrah I wrote this,
Because we love you.
Piercing Eyes of the Night-2006
A woman sits in the dark
Holding a rose in her hands
She knows he is in the doorway-
For that is where he usually stands.
His eyes made of glass
That can piece her heart of stone.
She picks the petals of that flower
As if she was alone.
Her hair blowing in the wind
From the window across the way
Tearing through her skin
Like it did everyday.
She could feel his heat
Upon her back so bare.
As if he were standing on top of her-
But all he did was stand there and stare.
His eyes could kill her
She knew she could die.
She heart beat less and less
He made it her time to say good bye.
Beautiful Tarrah-2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
Beauty from a flower
Cannot compare-
From the tip of her toes
To the tip of her hair.
Beautiful eyes,
Cheeks, lips and nose…
She’s prettier than any flower
Even a rose.
She’s our Tarrah.
Echoed from Behind- He Creeps Into Me-2006
Echoing through the night
Chilling upon my skin.
Holding the air so tight
My breath held within.
His voice follows me around
Dictating my every move.
Following with no sound
As if he has something to prove.
I can feel his arms around me
His lips kiss my cheek.
Him I cannot see-
Suddenly my heart begins t o leak.
Blood stains my shirt
Turning it white to red.
Running down my shirt
Tears stain my shoes instead.
He embodies me soul
Taking my life away.
Leaving me with a hole
And carrying me into the next day.
This Here Lullaby-2006
To: Tarrah Rayne Allen
Once the wind blows
Upon your tiny face-
And we welcome you here
To this new place…
Do not be frightened
Do not be scared-
Remember you are with us-
And we are wonderfully paired.
No matter how many cows
Jump over that moon-
Mommy and daddy
Will help you get to sleep soon.
No matter how many sheep
You count on a stormy night-
When that harsh thunder rolls,
We will be here to hold you tight.
So twinkle twinkle,
In the sky-
Always remember this here lullaby-
Love always- Daddy and I.
From the Doorway, You’re a Beauty-2006
To: Tarrah Rayne Allen
Dear Daughter-
I watch through the crack of the door
As you slip into a deep sleep.
Your tiny eyes dancing in the light of the stars
As the moonbeams creep
In through your window
To lie on the floor.
You chasing your dreams,
Me still standing at your door.
Your face so beautiful
Like a porcelain doll on a shell.
Your hands on your cheeks
Holding yourself.
My daughter, I whisper I love you
While I stand in your doorway tonight.
Looking at this beauty…
You my little girl, a pretty sight.
I blow you a kiss
And turn to walk away.
As I hear you whisper I love you too
And in a tiny voice you say, “Everyday.”
I wipe away a tear
Cause you my daughter are growing so fast.
But these here are our memories…
That will always last.
Back to back, we sleep-2006
Lovers once,
And forever so you say…
But back to back we sleep,
At the end of every day.
This four post bed
Can’t hold our sadness,
And can’t clean up my tears
After every bad mess.
The sheets can’t rub away
The emotions hidden under my skin,
The comforter can’t hide
The strangers we are within.
Back to back we sleep,
We love heart to heart.
Yet here we lay back to back,
Millions of miles apart.
Badges-2006
To: ETVR and Tarrah Rayne Allen
These stretch marks on my belly
Weren’t there long ago.
Lord knows I don’t like them
And wouldn’t mind if they’d just go.
The “handles” on my side,
Are nothing more than that.
They aren’t made too much of “love,”
But made more of skin and fat.
The extra belly here in front,
Makes me look like there’s a lil’ one still inside…
No matter how much I tuck, squeeze or suck it in,
It just won’t seem to hide.
These “things” here on top,
Used to be perky back then.
It wasn’t too long ago,
But I can’t really remember when.
All these things,
That changed me inside and out,
May have gotten me bigger jeans,
But I know what it’s all about.
These marks I have for life,
Are badges I have obtained.
Having you, a beautiful baby,
From all of this I have gained.
Distant-2006
He was her man,
She loved him so.
What made them this way?
She wanted to know.
His hand never touched her skin
His lips never kissed her face.
She never feels his love,
His heart seems to be in a different place.
Their eyes never connected,
She always wondered why.
They argued constantly,
But he never saw her cry.
She wiped away her tears
As she turned her head.
His words piercing her like bullets,
But they hurt worse instead.
He was her man,
She loved him so.
What made them this way?
She wanted to know.
She loved him,
But never uttered the words so he could hear.
Didn’t he love her back???
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