HARRY’S

This is the foyer- your sanctuary. You must keep it clean at all times. If you are not cashing out a customer or doing other duties that pertain to this job, you must be cleaning. This is your register. It is old, so do not bang on it… it will open when it feels like it. If it takes too long, come find me and I will jimmy it open with a steak knife. If you bang on it and I catch you or find out about it some other way, you will be obligated to replace it with a new one; I will take it out of your paycheck. If you want all of your paycheck, do not ruin things that are not yours. Do not make me repeat this again, because I will if I have to.

This is the phone. It is the company phone, so do not make personal calls and tie it up. If you have time to talk on the phone, then you have time to clean; cleaning is a main priority, not talking on the phone. You must not touch this phone unless it rings, in which case you answer, “Hello, this is Harry’s. How can I help you?” The person on the other end will tell you who they are looking for and you will fetch that person. Nobody is allowed to call for you. If it is an emergency for you, they may call me and I will deliver the message to you.

Over here is what used to be the smoking section. We are smoke-free now, so do not let anyone light a cigarette, cigar or marijuana in here. The cushions on all the booths come out easily, make sure that you vacuum inside it. Sometimes we find Margie hiding in one, smoking who knows what while she is on the clock. If you cannot find her for something, come find me and I will call her emergency therapist. Usually she is having a break down… her husband just came out of the closet. She brings in food a lot. Cookies, brownies, whatever it may be, don’t eat it. If you do, make sure you get checked out by a doctor after work. She has threatened to kill us all in one of her break downs so either don’t eat it or don’t piss her off. Generally though, Margie is sweet.

There are designated coffee pots for each section. Each coffee pot is marked Caf or DCaf. They are also color coded for easy association. Do not put Caf in the DCaf pot for a joke. It is not funny. We had to call the police to get Jeremy out of here after Quinn Hilker pulled that joke. Poor Jeremy got a year in the state penitentiary for trying to run down his wife in the parking lot out front after a sip of that coffee. That is why we fired her. I have a form for you to sign regarding the coffee pots.

The main dining room is split into two sections for the wait staff. On the right is where Cora Heart serves. She calls in a lot. Her husband deals cars upstate, and the FBI is on to him for the heroin and meth that he is receiving inside the cars and dealing out of their home. Cora doesn’t do much here, if she asks you to do something for her, do it. I hear she keeps a pocket knife in her apron and a gun strapped to her ankle. I haven’t seen her use it yet, but that is so from what I have seen, so you might want to ask around. Don’t let her catch you asking though; otherwise you might lose a limb.

On the left is Harold’s section. Harold is the one that holds us altogether. He lives here pretty much. All the girls are flirty with him. He is the Tom Cruise of this place. I got a piece of toilet paper he used and sold it to that Quinn girl who you are replacing for five dollars. Luckily that will replace the five I stole two weeks ago. Shhh… don’t tell the boss. He is a good worker though. He is never late by our clock and stays passed shift. He and his girlfriend have a baby, so if you plan to flirt with him, don’t tell him you know of his situation. Make sure you look innocent. He isn’t too flirty; he is committed to his partner. But if anyone can break him, it might just be you. Make sure you unbutton the first three buttons there on the shirt and show some cleavage. That might help. See me about that later in my office. We will talk privately with the door locked and the blinds closed.

If I am not here, we will assign a PIC. Usually Autumn is the person-in-charge. She is quite dirty; but she is a good worker when she isn’t in the freezer sniffing cocaine or laying on her back on the restroom floor with an employee. She offers rides to any and every male who come here, some females too, so when you are around her, button up… unless you are into that. She has slept with all the male employees here except for Harold. He isn’t giving in, but she isn’t giving up. And that cocaine thing is a secret, so stuff it in your lock box.

Willy Holden is Autumn’s husband. They like to pretend not to know each other when they are here. We caught Willy in my office with the new dishwasher Charlie Van Hoyt last week. Willy claims he thought Charlie was a girl. Don’t ask him about it- he will slap you.

Ricardo is also a dishwasher here. He is the one that stands outside waiting for his mommy to pick him up. You know… the guy with the thick handle-bar mustache. Keep an eye on him though, he steals food; not from us really, but from customers. After they are finished and the dishes are put in the bin, he eats the food that is left from what customers did not eat. We try to make sure that the bins are cleaned constantly so he does not eat the “leftovers.” He tells lies or untrue facts a lot. Don’t believe a word he says. Last Wednesday he told everyone that Derek Jeter was sick of the Yankees and was trying his turn in the NFL. But you don’t have to worry about him; he never speaks to any girls or looks at them. Although he did make an exception for Autumn at one point.

The back dining room is split too. On the right is Marla Sanchez. She has tendencies to complain about everything, so just tune her out. She likes to be pampered a lot, so if she asks you to rub her feet tell her to go home. She never does go home, but at least she will stop asking you to rub her bunions.

Bobbie Ralph is on the other half. He may be cute to you, but do not make a move. His girlfriend is quite strict on who he talks to; especially the girls here. She is quite large, so don’t initiate a fight over Bobbie. If she attacks you, then… well it was good knowing you.

This is where all the cleaning supplies can be found. You are allowed to take one roll of paper towels and one cleaning agent to the front with you at a time. It would be wise to always have the all-purpose cleaner with you. Don’t take any home with you, you will get fired.

This is the break room. You get one break- for lunch. You must order food here or go home. You cannot come in with food and you may not leave with food; however you may buy food before you leave. Do not come in smelling like Burger King. This is not your palace. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Do not accept tips from anyone. You do not get any. Do not do the servers side work for tips and do not take to-go orders and accept a tip when they come to pick it up. I am not your pimp and you will not be tipped.

This is your area-keep it clean. You can start now.