Boy-2005
Art on a shelf-
9 months old in time.
Art from a Creator-
He sent to be mine.
Eyes of crystal-
Skin of porcelain peach.
Love of undying-
Yet so far out of reach.
A smile to melt the snow-
A cry to stir up the air.
One like me-
But life isn’t fair.
A boy who knows nothing-
For “nothing,” he cannot grasp yet.
A boy who is my angel-
But doesn’t know we met.
My flesh of flesh-
My blood through his heart.
My biological son, your son-
What a beautiful start.
Baby’s First Night-2005
Lay down your head-
I’ll say a prayer.
I’ll say it loud-
So God can hear.
Kiss me gently-
Hug Bobo tight.
Close your eyes…
I’ll turn out the light.
Twinkle twinkle-
Stars in the sky.
Count the sheep,
Don’t you cry.
My little angel,
The sun is here.
Wake your tiny eyes…
Mama is holding you near.
ITALY-2005
To: Pope John Paul II
We sat and drank our tea today,
In one of those old fashioned places.
People walked in and out of the big wooden doors,
And I caught a glimpse of everyone’s faces.
Some were old, some were young,
The only thing in common was their tea.
However there were times I was so into him…
And sometimes it was just him and me.
He was into his every word,
Speaking as if he knew-
About life and religion,
Loving every minute as he grew.
But his days became short,
And his voice became weak.
I sat, still clinging to his words,
I think he thought I was meek.
With my eyes a glowing,
I never thought-
My time in Italy,
This was better than anything I bought.
This conversation,
Worth a lot more than I really had.
My time was getting few
And it made me more that sad.
He was getting old,
I could almost watch him wither away.
But he still talked his talk,
And I still wanted to hear what he had to say.
But then he was gone,
And the world was surprised.
He was almost their God,
Hidden in disguise.
I touched his hand,
And he touched mine.
Sipping our tea
As if it were a fine wine.
I was back home,
Filled with so much hope.
A little thing I picked up,
When I had lunch with the Pope.
Sliding Glass Door-2005
She hid her face,
She wanted no one to see…
Bruises or beatings-
Received repeatedly.
Cuts in her delicate skin-
And swollen lips of black and blue.
This was her life-
More or less all she knew.
She faced him every day-
And the beatings came more.
But they came to an end
With the sliding glass door.
He pushed her once,
He slapped her twice.
She wanted to defend herself-
But she couldn’t roll those dice.
He kicked her down-
He thought he was tough.
She jumped up-
She finally had enough.
She pulled him to her-
Then pushed him away.
He flew through that glass,
And he knew this is how he’d pay.
Off the balcony,
Three floors to the ground.
A lifeless man and one survivor
Was all the police found.
Steps to Loving You-2005
A desire-
To touch,
Feel,
Kiss.
A yearning-
To love,
And dream,
But not miss.
A wonder-
Of forever,
And always,
Giving into fate.
Endless-2005
Love travels the roads,
Seas,
Mail,
And skies
To get where it is going.
I’d do the same
Just
To
Be
With
You.
I Love You-2005
I.
The subject of “me.”
The state of self-being.
Love.
A deep feeling within.
The emotion of warmth.
You.
The other person.
The one I fell in love with.
Diamonds and Pearls-2005
Diamonds and pearls-
She left behind.
Crystal and china-
Left broken in the chest.
She turned back the clocks
To 7:17
And the calendars to March 23,
But what did it all mean?
She opened all the windows,
And locked all the doors.
She ate all the apples,
And left all the cores.
She bottled some air.
And labeled it “MEMORY.”
She took off her rings,
And left a note saying, “REMEMBER ME!”
Put her key on the table,
Her wedding dress on the chair.
She cried and took her daughter,
Who said, “IT’S NOT FAIR.”
She took her car,
Drove it out of town.
1,010 miles-
Where no one was around.
Stopped at a motel,
The only one in sight,
Bought a room
And stayed the night.
Her cell rang-
She ignored the call.
She had to-
She knew it was Paul.
Diamonds and pearls-
He must have found.
Crystal and china-
He knew.
Content and Despair-2005
I am trying to pull away,
From a life of despair.
I am calling your name-
But you are not there.
I fell to my knees,
Like a horse struck down.
I was impatient,
Because I was bound.
The smell of roses-
Lilies and baby’s breathe filled my nose.
Emotions poured out of me,
Like water from a hose.
I am trying to pull away,
From a life of content.
I’m searching my heart
For what I meant.
I stood pigeon-toed
With my hair on my face.
I tugged at my shirt
Trimmed with fine lace.
My eyes watered-
With liquid of clear.
A night of loneliness-
Filled with content and despair.
The Cost of Beer-2005
“I wasn’t drinking and driving.
I swear to God,”
Billy told the cops.
“I promise I didn’t-
I wouldn’t lie.”
He was hysterical,
And began to cry.
I lay calmly on the pavement.
My hair whisked in my face.
I couldn’t move,
My poor body was lifeless.
Grass lay around me,
Blood drenched my clothes,
And black was all I could see.
“SIR CALM DOWN-
CALM DOWN SIR!”
The cops yelled and yelled,
But Billy was still hysterical.
“I didn’t mean to-
Sandra- I didn’t!”
I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
I could hear Billy screaming at me.
I wanted to yell,
“I know! I’ll be okay! I know!”
But by that time-
I was already gone away.
It’s been 5 years since my death…
And I can still hear Billy say,
“I wasn’t drinking and driving,
I wasn’t, I swear.
Please stop.
Sandra- come back.”
Billy couldn’t face his fears.
So a life is the price-
For drinking a couple beers.
Baby’s First Thirst-2005
Unsure,
He put his hands on her breasts.
The warmth flowed into his blood,
And his mouth began to nest.
Her face was not even turning red,
Just a pale pink.
She brushed his jet-black hair
From his face as his eyes blinked.
His mouth formed a pucker,
As he was filled to his content.
He finally pulled away-
To give himself time to vent.
He looked up-
And a smile was put to her face.
His mouth still lingering
With that milky taste.
Secrets-2005
There is a lot to love.
More or less that cannot be
Explained.
A laughter-
A tear-
A full blown out cry-
All to which have secrets.
Transition-2005
She used to say she loved you-
Yeah. He used to say that too.
But he never meant it with me-
And she probably didn’t mean it with you.
Life is a hurdle,
Loving is a hard concept.
When you lose someone-
Sometimes you just have to accept.
Accept the fact-
That change is a must,
And that there are people in this life-
We cannot trust.
Hold out a hand,
And someone will guide you near.
You just have to watch your step,
And blow away your fear.
Withering- 2005
She tilted her head,
Like a rose ready to die.
Moving her lips
And barely ready to cry.
She lifted her hand
And pushed back her hair like green leaves.
She catches herself
In this web she weaves.
Her lifeless heart,
Beating to an end.
This last stem,
Unable to mend.
Her face becomes pale to reveal
A withering soul.
A person or rose,
Neither is really whole.
Mirror- 2005
Mirror on my wall-
To be where I stand.
A bobbing head
And dangling hand.
Eyes are wandering-
Feet planted to the wood.
Mirror on my wall-
Where I just stood.
Bubbles- 2005
Bubbles consume my mind,
There is nothing to say.
Making up all my thoughts…
Indefinitely not going away.
Bubbles of thoughts
Filled with air.
Thin-skinned
And completely rare.
Bubbles make up my memories
They pop every year.
Losing a memory
And gaining a tear.
Maniac- 2005
Does crying no relieve us-
Of the pain we seldom feel inside?
Does destruction not contain us-
Of the hell we still hide?
Do murderers have it all figured out-
Is that why they kill?
Do maniacs have no life-
So they need to get their fill?
Can we scream
To make the world seem right?
Does the anguish in our lives
Eat us by the day and digest us by night?
Was It Not for You- 2005
To: Gretchen Roberts
Was it not for you,
The world would seem
Right side up.
Perfectness
Just might
Swallow me whole.
I’d get dragged and spun,
Either way they pull.
Was it not for you,
Friends might actually make
Sense.
Dreams
Would be unreachable
Like stars in the sky.
But only without you-
Would the world cry.
Was it not for you,
People would pull further
From the pedestrian crossing line.
“I will always love you”
Would have no dedication
And no way to be sang.
Because with your presence-
I’ve had many memories to gain.
Pages in a Book- 2005
Holes in the pages,
Where I stabbed the knife.
The bat didn’t work
The blood never flowed.
Pages I tried to put together-
Ones went unsowed.
Holes in the pages,
Where the fire slipped through.
Bits and pieces of heartache-
Tears of random rain.
A place in this book-
Where one life was slain.
Holes in the pages,
Your magic never worked.
Tiny cries of dying people-
Nails torn apart.
This book is no book,
It’s just my heart.
Anywhere But Here- 2005
This wasn’t as hard as I pictured it…
This was the best thing I ever did.
I wanted it to end…
Somewhere.
But maybe not here.
Not where he could see me cry.
Not where my broken heart lay flat on the floor in view for all to see.
Maybe that was the distance I could only go.
Only a few steps to the right,
To the left,
Back or front.
That was where I was able to be me.
Poor poor…
Pitiful,
Cry-my-eyes-out,
Not able to speak,
Under the weather,
Can’t pull back together…
Me.
And that was it…
The closing stages…
Somewhere.
Into You- 2005
It’s not that I don’t love him-
Or at least
I don’t think.
I possess a sadness-
Into which I sink.
Meaning of life falls further back-
Closing in
On me today.
Smiles are upside-down
And then fade away.
Tears of glass consume me
Or at least
I think they do.
Falling face first
Straight into you.
Subside- 2005
Love has become this shadow
And kissing is a silly game.
Life is never ordinary
And crying is all the same.
Time knows no boundaries
Unto which we know.
Happiness comes
To which sadness must go.
A Song in the Wind- 2005
Through the dream
Of pulsating eyes
Perhaps the dead breath
Leaves every moment
A song in the wind.
Delicious Laugh- 2005
Through the raindrops
The eyes of her being
Evolve ratting spirits
Finger-painting breath and
Through the light wind
Magic desires the delicious laugh.
Irresistible- 2005
Today-
I really
F
E
L
L
To
P
I
E
C
E
S
When I saw
You.
Next- 2005
It killed me to do this.
It made me feel like scum.
Like I was imperfect
To the point of disgusting.
And to no surprise
I couldn’t turn back.
I watched in front of me-
This beautiful blonde.
Her eyes of crystal Sea.
I told her.
I let it out.
I felt like trash.
I just stood there
Watching…
As her red, pumping, alive heart
Turned to black, still, cold stone.
Her face to a ghostly white.
That was it.
Another girl in the book.
Another I deceived.
Maybe I’ll move on-
To the next.
Million Stars- 2005
A million miles away-
He is the boy next door.
I’ve pictured his face-
And known him subconsciously
Since I was 4.
10,000 stars away-
He is a wish come true.
I’ve dreamed, prayed and hoped-
Wished, searched and looked
Leading my way to you.
With a blink of my eye-
And clap of my hand…
It’s hard to breathe
And think,
A lot harder to stand.
A million miles away-
Really is not so far.
When the boy next door
Makes my life complete-
There are no reasons to wish on any star.
Lipstick- 2005
Prints on the crystal,
Liner on the glass.
Never touched the knife or fork-
Just kissed the spoon made of brass.
Perfect lips-
Engraved to shine.
This is how I test lipstick…
With this kiss of mine.
2 & 4- 2005
To: Patrick Felan
He may not know it now-
He may not know my name.
But I know his-
And it’s not all the same.
I remember his chestnut eyes
And his jet-black locks of hair.
A 2 and 4 year old
Not a likely pair.
I remember his to-die-for smile,
And his playful laugh of fun.
Just us two
Playing in the sun.
I remember it and him-
I have a picture I’ll always keep.
Memories of him and me,
In my head never sleep.
He may not remember my eyes or smile,
Or even what my first name is…
But for 18-years now
I remember all his.
That Fast- 2005
I walked the pale streets-
I’ve held the prisoners hand.
I helped the disabled stand.
I prayed with the sinners-
I raged against the abortionists.
I married the lonely-
I witnessed a first kiss.
I fell asleep at a picnic under the stars,
I cried some tears on the grass.
I fell in love with you-
And yes! It happened that fast.
When I Think About Leaving and Really Want to Stay-2005
When you make me so mad,
That I want to do nothing by leave-
When you are lazy,
And I have nothing to receive.
These are the times,
When I think about leaving.
When you roll your eyes,
Cause the kids play too loud-
When you take all the credit,
And act too proud.
These are the times,
When I think about leaving.
But when I see your smile,
And feel your kiss.
When I think it all out,
And realize what I’d miss.
When you stare into my eyes,
When you play with my hair,
When you and I fight about nonsense,
When you are fine and the world is unfair.
These are the times,
When I think about leaving and really want to stay.
But that is All Part of Life- 2005
You used to say you love me,
You used to at least pretend to care.
You used to hold my hand,
You used to stare.
Now I get nothing,
Can’t even make you turn your head.
Can’t remember any memories,
And not one word you said.
Can’t recall your eye color,
Or the feel of your hair.
Can’t picture you and me,
As even a sensible pair.
But that is all part of life…
I guess that…
Some people change.
Runaway Bride- 2005
I ruined my dress,
The mud ate it away.
I pulled my hair,
My eyes looked horrible today.
I squeezed through a window,
Slid off my shoes.
I had to get away…
I had nothing to lose.
Just Another Burned Out Flame- 2005
She packed her bags,
Kissed his cheek goodbye.
Grabbed her purse
And tried not to cry.
Looked at the door,
And opened it slow.
He grabbed her hand,
And begged her… “No.”
She looked at him,
With her eyes of glass.
She knew the time had come,
And her chance had passed.
She kissed him again,
Said, “I love you all the same.
But the time is gone,
Just another burned out flame.”
Spring Break- 2005
I wished upon
A bright shining star-
Kept telling myself
I shouldn’t go that far.
You pull me near
I push you away-
I yell, you scream,
It wasn’t supposed to go this way.
Damn, I spilled my drink-
Another you insist to buy.
It’s just rum and coke
No reason to break down and cry.
You look into my eyes
And wonder what I hide.
I say, “I love you and hate you…
I really cannot decide.”
You Lost Your Life- 2005
I didn’t break the tie.
I didn’t spill my water.
I didn’t smear my gloss,
And I didn’t tug my shirt.
I never hated your mom,
And I never wanted to hurt you.
I didn’t lose your ring,
I didn’t break your heart.
I didn’t steal your car,
And I didn’t say goodbye.
I never turned to leave,
And I never made you cry.
I never said I’d marry you,
I never said I’d stay.
I never said I loved you,
Or wanted to be your wife.
I really never meant to hurt you,
Cause I never wanted to hear… you lost your life.
IMPRESS- 2005
I It
M May
P Pay
R Really
E Expensive
S Shiny
S Silver
- Just to get her
To kiss you
Poetic- 2005
I do not write
Just for you to read.
These words therefore
Are not just words.
I do not write for you
To feel or to understand.
I write in order
To share my life.
Just be sure
To read between the lines.
Accountable- 2005
A line of white
From a jet of grey.
I know I should have told you
I was leaving today.
But you weren’t on my mind.
You never crossed it at all.
I stood in my shadows
I began to yell.
I wasn’t held accountable
For those times we spent alone.
It was useless saying, “I love you.”
We both really should have known.
The distance we set between us
We altered with goodbye.
We only set the mood
For one of our hearts to die.
Separated- 2005
Who am I
To say out love-
Wasn’t meaningful?
No one.
I am no one to say it.
We had a deep,
Tender love.
But we were so…
Separated.
We barely spoke.
And when we did…
(Speak that is.)
Our words were hateful.
But we always
ALWAYS made up for it-
In the dark.
With sheets over our heads,
And us, entangled
Within each other.
We do love.
But it is a separating love.
That no one else
Can understand.
Laid- 2005
It laid there-
In the crevasse of his back.
Where my finger
Slowly crawled down
His spine.
It laid there-
On the inner part of his thigh.
Where my finger made
Figure-8’s in one spot,
And wore away the hair.
It laid there-
In his chestnut colored eyes.
Where my blue eyes
Got lost in his,
A place I fell in love with.
It laid there-
And everywhere.
Every inch of his
200 parts were for me.
Just me.
And that there
Is where it laid.
Today and Yesterday- 2005
Today is different…
Different than-
Yesterday.
The feeling is awkward…
Between us-
Both.
I look at you…
I smile-
Briefly.
But you barely realize…
You just turn-
Away.
His Eyes- 2005
They weren’t blue.
I think I’d remember that.
The color wasn’t like-
Anything I’d seen before.
They were so much…
Deeper than that.
They were like 8
Different colors…
Emerged as one.
Chestnut outlines his eyes.
In the right kind of light though,
That color changed to a honey.
The first ring on the inside
Remained a dark chocolate color.
The ring after appeared
(At first glance)
To be coffee colored.
But when studied-
It turns out it is cappuccino
With some spots of maple.
Then near the pupil-
It always remained a milk chocolate.
They definitely weren’t-
Blue.
At first glance-
They weren’t even brown.
They were mocha.
Still a Little Confused- 2005
You know what you did to me,
You know how much I hurt.
The pain that lives inside…
Day to day makes me feel like dirt.
Pushed and punched,
Kicked and bruised.
Laying helplessly,
Still a little confused.
Did I do something wrong?
Or not say something right?
Is that the reason-
You have abused me tonight?
Do you understand?
What you do is not right.
Can you please tell me-
What all you want to do is fight?
You know who you are…
You know this is about you.
You know perfectly well you were in the wrong,
In everything that you used to do.
You will never read this,
So you will never understand,
The length I have to go to,
Just to trust someone to hold my hand.
You Are Not That Person- 2005
I find no justice in what you speak.
I find no conviction for what I seek.
I find no love within the walls of this place.
I find no heartache within your grace.
You are not my person, not the type I know.
You are the kind that will love deeply, then turn and go.
You are phony on the inside, but it doesn’t shoe on the out.
You are scared and afraid… to let anybody find out.
But I am here… to help you see.
There is more beyond crying…. More beyond me.
There is a world of forgiveness, a life of more.
You just have to open up, and close one door.
25-Cents Bought Me More Than a Phone Call- 2005
I may have no money,
But I am saving for a real ring.
We won’t live in a mansion
Or drive a limousine.
You won’t be dressed in the finest,
But they won’t be rags at all.
We won’t have cell phones,
But then again… no one will call.
We won’t have any kids for a while,
So a dog or cat will have to do.
I just want to really
Spend my whole life loving you.
Please take this 25-cent ring
I got out of a machine you see-
And remember I love you-
Please marry me.
Santa Fe- 2005
Boardwalks and seagulls-
Ocean breeze and sand.
The perfect setting
To walk hand in hand.
Me in my orange flip-flops,
You in your green shorts.
Sharing a smoothie
From Uncle MORT’S.
Kissing seems so common
In couples all around.
A band on the corner-
I hear the drums pound.
Our day comes to an end
And here by you I lay.
Enjoying our time in
Santa Fe.
My Place- 2005
It’s where you call “HOME”-
Even though it’s not.
You just say it is-
Because you love it a lot.
It’s where you dream about going,
And hardly ever been.
It’s all that cheers you up
And the one place that can make you grin.
It’s the place you talk about,
And the place you show pictures of.
It’s not just what you like-
It’s what you love.
It’s where you want to get away to
The place where you want to run.
Mine isn’t my hometown-
It’s Boston.
Ash- 2005
Lifeless body
Put to ease.
Lay resting
Blending in with the trees.
Cried beneath the soil-
Roses begin to wilt away.
Time seems to never pass-
Everyone is stuck in that day.
Like burning paper
The smell lingers in one place.
No more fingerprints
Or a beautiful face.
Just another
Way to clash.
We buried her not-
But turned her to ash.
The Part I Hate- 2005
My eyes lit up
Like sun rays on a hot day.
I didn’t like the fact
He went away.
But I couldn’t speak
And couldn’t cry.
Just wore a smile,
Yet wanted to die.
He gave no reason-
He just packed his suitcase.
He didn’t say goodbye-
Didn’t even look me in the face.
Couldn’t he flip a coin
And maybe stay?
That’d be better than
Just going away.
Moving across country,
State or even town
He wouldn’t be part of my life
And never come around.
He didn’t care
If he made me sad.
He never cared about me at all,
And he was my dad.
On the Other Side- 2005
I tried to breathe.
Although I knew-
This would be
The last time I saw you.
I moved my way
To the door.
Turned back around.
To see once more.
I couldn’t grasp
We were all through.
Time to start a new life-
Beginning a new.
We were through so much,
It’s been quite a ride.
I couldn’t grasp it until I saw…
My tassel on the other side.
Accusations- 2005
I want you to know
That
I know.
And I am not mad
You
Kept it.
I am really actually glad
You
Did that.
No, this will change us.
But
That’s expected.
I think I said that
I wasn’t mad.
But I defiantly did lie.
You
Hurt me.
I have every reason to
Be
Very angry.
Just accept it now baby.
Life
Always changes.
Loving you would be easier
If
You only
Never cheated, lied and denied
The
Accusations again.
Hey Little Girl… The Remembrance of a Dad - 2005
Hey little girl,
Your sun has chosen to shine.
You have to remember,
You fill this emptiness of mine.
You aren’t useless like you think.
You dance in this old, fragile brain.
Your life is full of beauty,
Shown even in the rain.
You are an angel to this man,
The one you will never know.
But live your life to the fullest,
And never be afraid to say “no.”
Don’t be intimidated by the others,
Just hold that head up high.
And when someone breaks your heart,
Remember it is okay to cry.
This life will lead you to me,
If you just follow your heart.
Cause me saying goodbye,
Will never tear us apart.
Master Piece- 2005
Given the right key,
The lock will turn.
Holding you once,
My heart will always yearn.
You aren’t mine,
And mine you are not.
Am I going to cry,
Or just sit and rot?
The time has become stale,
And the earth… it never moves.
Your name on my lips,
The sensation never soothes.
You aren’t the child I asked for.
You are more than I deserve.
You are beautiful and unique,
And that is all I can observe.
From the loins of my insides,
And the DNA of two.
This my child,
Is what I have given to you.
Empty Tears- 2005
Air has filled the pockets,
And the rain just slips down.
Crying has no release,
Especially when no tears come around.
These fake tears,
The ones that fall from the sky
Go on and on,
Pretending not to cry.
The closest I get,
To tear of my own
Is nothing but emptiness.
The tear is unknown.
Walking down my cheek,
Onto the edge of my lip.
Sleeping reluctantly ,
Trying not to slip.
Bringing down the rest,
There is no more in my eye.
Holding back these empty tears,
Trying more or less not to cry.
Bleeding to Death- 2005
A beautiful flower,
The rose is red.
Words unspoken,
Repeating in my head.
Gay unto gay
The night-ness falls.
Calling my name,
Secluded in the walls.
Burning my heart,
Singing a song.
Beating my back,
Till the days gone wrong.
Kiss upon my forehead,
Sinking into my brain.
Bleeding to death,
My heart is beginning to stain.
A beautiful flower,
The rose is no longer red.
My heart beats no more,
For it too is dead.
Our Kisses…- 2005
Our kisses… they are one-sided.
(I remember.) They never used to be.
They were so passionate,
But now it seems you don’t even want to kiss me.
The love we had or have,
Seems to be slipping away.
I look in your eyes,
But there is nothing to say.
Are you looking are me cause you still feel it?
Or has it left and there is nothing we can do?
I can’t turn back the clocks to when we were so passionate,
Although, many times have I wanted to.
I can’t make the clouds that hover over us,
Just disappear in a snap you see.
But then again I don’t think I want to since I know,
It would lead us to you not wanting me.
Make-Over- 2005
This stuff in my hair,
Is nothing more than spray.
It’s to hold it in place,
As I go throughout the day.
The stuff on my face,
Is nothing more than cover up.
It’s just for show,
It’s just makeup.
This thing I am wearing,
Is nothing more than a dress.
It’s to make me look sophisticated,
Nothing more or less.
But I can remove it all,
And just be the girl you know.
None of this is me,
All of it can go.
Ode to LeAnn Rimes- 2005
They say you “Hurt Me”
And I ought to be “Blue.”
They know pay is hard,
And “I’ll Get Even With You.”
I got me a “One Way Ticket (Because I Can).”
I have to get you to “Talk To Me.”
And maybe make you understand
And make you see…
“My Baby” you really hit rock bottom,
And that us where you got your “Broken Wing.”
You sure are a “Good Lookin’ Man”
Than is a “Sure Thing.”
I wanted you to “Share My Love”
But you are “Insensitive.”
So let me in on one thing,
“How Do I Live?”
“The Rose” you gave me
Is now close to dead.
“The Light In Your Eyes”
Goes left unsaid.
You can’t make a “Commitment”
And I “Honestly” am going “Crazy.”
But “I Believe,”
One day you won’t be so lazy.
“Yesterday” you promised,
And promises are no more.
“I Know Who Holds Tomorrow”
And it is through another door.
You want to “Surrender”
Into “These Arms Of Mine.”
“When Am I Going To Get Over You?”
With time.
A Heartbeat- 2005
A heartbeat
Is the most
Precious,
Loving
Sound.
But when
It is taken
Away,
Forgotten,
Ignored-
Well that
Is just something
That
Shouldn’t
Ever
Be tolerated.
Love You Waited On- 2005
Time has no patience,
Patience for your love.
Love that has waited so long.
Long as in like 4 years long.
Long as in like grew older.
Older enough to have that love.
Love you have waited on for a long time.
Letter- 2005
I’ve got his letter
On a stand by my bed.
But every night I read it,
It never compares to what he said.
The words never change,
Never fade or fray…
But they still don’t juxtapose
To the words of that day.
The times he stood in front of those people,
And pledged his love to me.
In a garden behind my house,
With a guest list of three.
My mom and pop,
And his papa too.
On the day we exchanged vows,
And he said I love you.
But months have passed,
And days have followed behind.
I search for my lost love,
But I guarantee it’s something I will never find.
They took him from me,
While he was overseas.
Now I just pray to be reunited,
Every night upon my knees.
I’ve got his letter,
On a stand by my bed…
Ode to Jared Campbell- 2005
I’ll “Stay on the Line,”
Trying to hear you breathe,
It is just a long wait.
But I “Don’t Waste It,”
Just “Take It In,”
And leave it to “Fate.”
“Life is Good,”
And “Only Getting Better,”
As time slips away,
“It’s Love” I am living off of,
“If Only” you “Never Knew,”
Then you would have more to say.
“Deeper Than the Ocean,”
And stronger than a “Rainy Labor Day”
Are these thousands of tears I have cried.
But I am “Found Again” by you,
“Standing There” in the midst,
No more of me has died.
Daddy- The One I Never Had- 2005
He did my hair.
It pigtails like I was still 2.
He turned me around and said,
“There, that still looks good on you.”
I could hardly stand it,
Rolled my eyes and pulled it out.
Looked the man in his eyes,
And said, “Let me tell you what this all about…
I am going to prom tonight,
I can’t wear my hair like I am 2.
I can’t be seen without a chuffer,
And no, it cannot be you.
Graduation is next month,
Have you ordered your ticket yet?
Will you be in the front row?
Is the camera set?
Years down the road,
I will marry the guy who stole my heart.
Will you be there to give me away,
And watch me make a brand new start?
Will you call me on the phone
Just to say I love you and hi?
Will you want me to be by your side,
When you are about to die?
Will you be in my life,
Or will you run away?
These are just some questions
That hunt me day to day.”
16 Candles- 2005
16 candles
On the cake today.
16 candles
And nothing to say,
But these candles
Burn out with time.
These 16 candles
Aren’t even mine.
16 candles-
Blown out by the time I show.
Where the flames went,
I don’t know.
But Grandma died
Early this morning when I turned 16.
Her 16-year-old only granddaughter,
She had never seen.
Drip drop,
I feel it on my skin again.
The silent dripping,
Of 16 candles in the rain.
Paris Booth- 2005
I sit; you stare.
I can’t tell if there is a connection there.
We haven’t spoken, not have we breathed.
We sat like hermits on this bench, unrelieved.
The bus has not shown and rain begins to fall.
Our silence is unbearable like a repeating phone call.
Not one person has treated me like so.
Not one person has stayed so long; others would just go.
Not you or I.
We’d rather sit and ponder, just this girl and guy.
But there is no time for the lonely here.
No time for us to be sincere.
You are just in need of a friend.
Someone who will listen- until the end.
Maybe you just figured out you need me too.
But suddenly you turned and said, “My name is Tim.”
I replied, “My name is Ruth.
That is how we got our start here, in the Paris Booth.
To Someone I Once Knew- 2005
He never calls me.
Never says my name.
He never notices I am alive…
But it’s all the same.
The same boy I grew up with,
The one who held my hand.
Now can barely look me in the eyes,
Let alone understand.
The one who was my first love,
Throughout my high school years.
Can’t tell that every night,
He brings these tears .
The one I was with,
For years on end.
The one who was more than my world,
He was my friend.
The one who lay on my trampoline,
Until the stars began to show.
The one who begged me to stay,
And the one I chose had to go.
This boy I went to prom with,
The one who gave me my first kiss.
The one boy in my life,
I would have always missed.
But he still never calls me.
Even though my number is in his phone.
I wonder if he knew,
He made me feel all alone.
The Lost and Looking for a Ride- 2005
His cardboard sign-
Rained upon.
His clothes ragged-
Worse than an ex-con.
His hair-
Dripping.
His feet-
Slipping.
Until now-
He is emerged in mud all the way.
People pass him by-
And turn the other way.
A penny on the ground-
A treasure for this man.
Old, fragile and cold-
Unable to stand.
A lonely one-
With nowhere else to go.
Asking for a ride-
And just getting “no.”
This 80-year-old man-
Within no one he can confide-
Is just one of the lost,
And looking for a ride.
Damn the Fortune Teller- 2005
Her words are wicked-
But I fear they are right.
How can he and I be in love?
When all we do is fight.
We lay in bed
Cuddling our own.
Him towards the door,
Me to the wall- both of us alone.
No words in the morning
Before we head our separate ways.
No kisses or touching
Any days.
It’s her job-
And she is right.
He asked me for a divorce
Cause all we do is fight.
Damn the fortune teller---
But Then Again…- 2005
Goodbye.
Is it something I should dread?
Seeing you.
Is it something that is already dead?
Goodbye has no meaning,
When one does not want to hear.
You cannot say goodbye,
When you aren’t even here.
You kicked up the dust
And away you flew.
Leaving me on I-95,
I never really knew.
You never said it,
Never left me a clue.
You never said goodbye,
But then again… I never said it to you.
1914- 2005
They are still now.
Not so full of life like they used to be.
No laughter that makes them brighter
And not one sun-ray of hope.
They have no feeling to them.
Nothing that comes through.
No sense of time.
They are still.
They can’t seem to bring me a smile,
Like they used to do.
They are just useless.
These 1914 pictures.
Shane Michael Perkins Funeral- 2005
I held my own
Like a candle flickering in the night.
I’ve tried to be calm and gracious,
But to go crazy… I just might.
You kicked me out of the funeral,
I never got to said goodbye.
How could you push me away?
I never wanted for him to die.
We weren’t such a bad couple,
Not like we were old enough to know.
Why do you keep yelling?
Stop telling me to go.
This funeral is my last chance,
And you will never have to see me again.
I’ll make it quick,
And not get under your skin.
Leave me to be,
And just let me say goodbye,
To my ex-boyfriend,
Cause I never wanted for him to die.
I Am the One… That is always There- 2005
CK1,
With a hint of freshly cut wood.
Yeah, this what you smell like
Every time we pass.
I never do stalk you,
You just happen to be there.
At two or three…
You are there.
I am not too far behind,
I am the one wearing the hat.
The one behind the newspaper.
The one on the cell phone.
I am the one in the car…
Next to you at the red light.
The one who is looking for the ginger in aisle 3,
When you are there too on a Wednesday night.
I am the one who picks up your
Pencil, pen, paper,
Gum, book,
Whatever it is you drop.
But not once have we made eye contact.
Not once have I peered into those green eyes,
As you stared back at my blues.
NOT ONCE!
But I am the one.
The one that is there.
Who you are.
I am the one NOT stalking you.
Walking in the Night- 2005
Walking in the night,
With shadows of yesterday.
I’ve hid my face,
And turned the other way.
I never said hello,
Never stopped to shake a hand.
Never took the time to listen to him,
Or even wanted to understand.
Old man,
Curled up on the side,
Under newspapers for a house,
Is where he shall hide.
Little girl,
Wandering the streets at eleven…
Lonely and lost,
Barely even ten.
Crack addicts
Alcoholics and prostitutes.
Taxis
Freaks and men in suits.
The rain began to pour,
The night began to kill.
This world kept moving
As my life stood still.
The Relationship Cliché- 2005
After the scent of my perfume fades
And the memory of me seems more like a dream.
After the sun never shines
And the darkness falls.
I will never be around to hear any of your calls.
After the key won’t turn
And the lies become the truths.
After the pictures disintegrate
And out rings never fit.
The feeling will be long gone from our heart’s pit.
After all has had its way
And no more can be produced.
After toy have left me in the dust
And I left you too.
After the feeling is gone and there is no “I love you.”
When breathing is useless
And your heart never beats.
When time is unstable
The walls are closing in.
That is when; you will never see me again.
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