Those Eyes-2006
Engulfing me like lions in a den.
I am eaten whole.
With my bones spit out to the ground
To disintegrate and become fertilizer.
I couldn't cry for help,
Nor did I want to.
Those eyes were taking me in.
Eating at my heart and soul.
Calling my name
And making my ears listen with every call.
My name...
ASHLEY! ASHLEY! ASHLEY!
It made no sense anymore.
It was not me you wanted.
But those eyes...
Those eyes told me different.
And for once,
I was loved.
Then she ran past me...
Into your arms.
And I hear you once more...
ASHLEY!
COFFEE-2006
The taste you left in my mouth.
The one that lingered through the day.
The one thing I cannot stop thinking of…
The one I cannot make go away.
What is that?
What is it that jogs my mind to think of you?
What is it?
What is it that every morning you do?
“It’s just coffee.”
It’s the taste that brings me to.
It’s the lasting memory in my mouth.
It’s the thing that makes me thing of you.
Pools of Blue-2006
I jump into all
These beautiful
Pools of blue.
The crystal clear water
Is sliced
Perfectly by skin.
The touch of my
Hands make
It all disappear.
The water is suddenly
Gone now.
Lost in time.
Maybe though it is
What happens.
When I cry.
The touch of my
Face is
An automatic resistance.
I shall never cry,
Not any
More. Over you.
I jump out of
It. Stop.
Pools of blue.
Stop Tormenting Me-2006
Stop tormenting me.
His name pierces my ears.
I cannot pretend to care.
It hurts too much to do that.
I will not look at you.
Because in you, I see him.
You aren’t even his reality.
His reality is me.
Stop tormenting me.
His name pierces my ears.
Beating-2006
As the waves crash on the beach,
Your love strangles my heart.
Beating upon it,
Wearing away the aorta.
You have not meant to hurt me-
But the power of your love
Is too uncontrollable.
So much so-
I cannot stop it from hurting.
Nor do I want to.
Because without the beating,
Without the hurt, without your love-
I might die.
Have Yet To Die-2006
After all those times
We said goodbye,
And put all our strength
Into harsh words of reality-
I still yet come to this place.
This secret place
Where only our love had lived…
And died.
But this place
Has yet to die.
The flowers still bloom,
The sun still shines.
And until all that vanishes,
The memories of us will remain.
I will return always,
Because our memories too-
Have yet to die.
His Lips Were Pale-2006
His lips were pale.
The kind that were pink and full.
The ones that you missed
Because they were so kissable.
They attached themselves
To yours at any time.
No warning- no acknowledgement-
Or sign.
His kiss would be romantic every time-
Without fail.
His
L
I
P
S
Were
P
A
L
E.
Almost Bitter-Sweet-2006
It was sweet…
And bitter.
Both tastes
Were so distinguishing.
I almost
Wanted to spit it out.
But I swallowed it-
And then wanted more.
I had more.
Seven times.
EVERY TIME…
EVERY TIME-
Every time I sipped it…
Sweet and bitter.
But it made the night
Perfect.
It was what made the night
So impossible to forget…
And so hard to remember.
I don’t regret having more…
Seven glasses of red wine.
Window Shopping-2006
A dress and shoes-
$500... cha-ching.
To wear out on her date-
Where he will propose with a $10,000 ring.
Sapphire and diamonds-
Extra! Extra! Bling bling!
A $200,000 wedding on the beach-
Perfectly fit for a King and Queen.
A hot new red dress and shoes-
$1,000- and an unexpected fling.
Even bad fantasies can happen
When you are just window shopping.
Long Christmas Eve-2006
I nestled in my bed
As Daddy turned out the light.
Santa was coming,
Sometime during the night.
I thought I heard his sleigh bells jingle,
But when I looked, it was the cat.
I thought I heard Santa,
But it wasn’t that.
It was my dog Fluffy.
He ate Mr. Clause’s cookie right off the plate.
Mama saw me awake and said,
“Go to bed. It’s getting late.”
I tossed and I turned.
Looked at my clock , it was 3.
Put my head under the pillow and yelled,
“CHRISTMAS AND SANTA ARE NEVER COMING FOR ME!”
Then something moved my pillow
And gently touched my nose.
Santa had arrived.
And that is how my story goes.
Frozen-2006
Sun-rays
On my window,
Trying
To peek inside.
But
I do not notice.
I
Am caught up
In
My frozen thoughts.
So Much-2006
It’s a cold
Rainy night.
Saturday night…
Sitting by the fire
With hot chocolate.
And lots of whipped cream.
Not so romantic
Without the red wine…
Sure- but alcohol brings illusions.
I can feel your arms
Entangling me like a bug to a spider web.
For I am your desire.
With out chocolate
And embracement-
We finally kiss.
Just enough to realize
We are friends.
Friends with so much in common.
So much desire
And romance…
So much to be lovers?
Dear Diary 1-Oh, It’s The Things I Hate-2006
I hate it when you ignore me;
I hate it when you are right.
I hate it when we don't talk,
And even more when we say goodnight.
I hate it when you quickly kiss me;
I hate it when you are mad.
I hate it when you are persistent,
And even more when you know I'm sad.
I hate it when you listen to KGB;
I hate it when you are shy.
I hate how you watch football,
And even more when you make me cry.
I love when you play with my hair,
And when you hold my hand.
I love how I love you... BUT-
Oh, it's the things I hate, I cannot stand.
Dear Diary 2-But Nothing Can Say It Better-2006
I love when you call my cell-
And leave me a voicemail so sweet.
I love when we kiss and hug,
And turn up all the heat.
I love when we hold each other-
And just stare into each others eyes.
I love when you reassure me-
But I hate it when I'm with you and time flies.
I love the smell of your hair-
And the smell of your cologne.
I love when you miss me-
When we are both alone.
I love when you watch GSN,
And when we play SIMS.
I love when you obsess over cars-
And more directly, the rims.
I love more than I hate-
And there is more I love too.
But nothing can say it better than-
I just love you.
Eternity-2006
Dying.
Just a two-syllable word.
Secretly unwanted-
And never heard.
But the beauty of dying
Is, you have a choice on where you go.
However the final outcome-
Only one really knows.
You can spend eternity
In the pits of hell.
Join in with others
As they scream and yell.
The pain is real,
The flames will consume you whole.
But you paid the price with sin
And can pass to the next toll.
The devil was never your friend
And what you did was never right.
But you can change it now and head for the light.
Eternity can be beautiful
With angels and streets of gold.
A life with Jesus Christ
Is the best- I am told.
Seeing your maker,
Of whom, you’ve always heard…
Only takes a life filled with God,
And obeying His word.
Don’t shy away
And write your story’s end.
Just worship God.
Your Savior, Father and Friend.
But-Hi-2006
I saw him for the first time-
It’s been almost 4 years.
He was still…
Handsome.
He still had that power.
The power to take my breath away.
He stopped-
Said hello…
I returned it.
We stood 10 minutes in silence
Until she grabbed his hand.
She was beautiful.
She made sure I knew-
He and her…
They were together.
That was fine.
We both have moved on.
Because “we”…
“We” were so long ago and gone.
Yet I still hugged him when turned to leave…
And softly whispered,
“Just tell me one thing.
How can two people,
So in love,
And have so much in common,
Have nothing to say now-
BUT-
Hi?”
BOSTON-2006
But
Oh-
Since
The
One
Name has been brought up- you never leave
(607) -2006
His phone just rings.
I dialed it correctly.
Maybe he moved.
NO- they say he is still in town.
And, I dialed it correctly...
(607)...
I can't even remember the rest...
Now.
The Only Love-2006
His hand trembles
As he consoles me.
Nothing makes me feel better.
Nothing.
Just knowing he is here,
Is enough for me.
I don’t care why he is here.
He could be here out of spite.
But I doubt it.
I have drawn him in.
He is ready to crack
Soon he will know no love-
But my love.
The only love-
He needs to know.
How Are We? -2006
We have not kissed-
But our lips have touched.
We have not touched-
But our skin has made contact.
We have not made love-
But we have loved one another.
So tell me-
How are we…
Strangers?
My Heart Is Drenched In Red Wine-2006
My heart is drenched in red wine,
And the phone is off the hook.
I took your pictures off the mantle-
Because at you- I cannot bear to look.
The clock has stopped ticking,
And the fire has gone out.
I am trying not to think of you,
But there is nothing else to think about.
It’s pouring rain outside,
And threatening to flood all around.
But it’s of no importance to me-
I am consumed in this love I found.
My heart is drenched in red wine…
Driven To Kill-2006
Driven to kill,
He lived his life in a cell.
Unaware-
Of the ones he deceived.
He didn’t want his family to know.
But the truth was devastating-
For them…
He feared they couldn’t handle it.
So, he had to make sure they never knew.
Only one thing could be for certain…
The grave would never tell.
Graves were great secret holders.
He apologized to them.
Repeatedly.
Yet they never really knew-
That was going to kill them.
They couldn’t know his secret though.
They couldn’t know-
He helped kill-
Their Savior.
Driven to kill,
He was a Roman Soldier.
Living in Exposure-2006
I almost couldn’t believe it-
He was looking at me.
I could tell-
But what did he see?
Is there something in my teeth?
Is there something in my hair?
Is there a stain on my shirt?
Is makeup running down my face?
Maybe he likes what he sees,
That is possible too.
This seems like a great guy,
Who could fall in love with you.
WAIT- he is moving-
And coming my way.
SHH- he is opening his mouth-
And he has something to say.
“Excuse me-” he began,
“I don’t know if you realize what this is about-
But when you leaned over-
Your breast fell out…”
Never…Again-2006
She fell asleep-
In my arms.
I kissed her forehead-
Lightly!
She only flinched.
She looked so cute.
I could tell she was dreaming.
Her eyes moved under her lids.
I watched her chest-
Rise and fall
With each breathe she took-
They were dainty.
I could feel her exhaled air
As her nose let it out slowly.
Her heart beat
Underneath my hand.
It made me tingle.
It made me fall in love.
Then she awoke- kissed me goodnight,
And never called me again.
Two Lives Become Three: #1: “Two Minutes” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
Two minutes.
Seems simple enough.
But to him and I
It seemed like a lifetime.
120 seconds
Seemed like a ridiculous amount of time.
I remember waiting.
A million things running in my head.
I was scared.
I couldn’t stop fidgeting.
He was pacing.
Holding the box in his hands,
Going through the instructions like they keep changing.
He watched the clock tick.
“It’s time,” He said.
Time- what a concept.
Every time is time-
But this was OUR time.
It revealed (+) And (-).
It was positive.
This was it.
We were pregnant.
Two Lives Become Three: #2: “Doctor Werner” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
He was old.
He had a hearing aid.
But he was very nice.
Very welcoming.
He joked with us.
He knew with one look…
This was unplanned.
He was right.
He didn’t let that faze him though.
He didn’t judge us.
He just went about his business.
He was very gentle.
But in and out.
Didn’t linger around.
He made it hard for me to hate him.
He made me trust him.
I guess it was the number…
11,000.
How many babies he has delivered in his career.
11,000… made me trust Doctor Werner.
Two Lives Become Three: #3: “The Heartbeat” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
He sat there so calm.
Being a new almost-to-be father,
He didn’t know what to expect.
He was just so calm.
Then he brought out the device.
The gel was cold.
I knew what to expect.
I was ready.
I was prepared.
I was excited.
He didn’t know what was going on.
He wasn’t prepared.
He was just sitting there.
Then we heard it…
His face lit up.
I knew he was happy.
He was proud.
He was excited…
He knew this was the sound of his child living…
In me.
You Love Me Not-2006
I wish not to have you love me
Such as I love you.
I just wish to have you admit it
That you are pretending.
Pretending to feel what I feel inside.
It hurts that I feel this love inside,
And you, whom this love lives for,
Loves me not.
Is it such a pain that maybe-
You could feel it if you tried?
No…
This is something you intend
On keeping away.
You love me not…
I just wish now,
I loved you not
As well.
Two Lives Become Three: #4: “Fluttering” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
Tenderly,
It felt like a leaf falling from a tree.
Or a petal of a flower landing on the ground,
Gently.
I couldn’t pinpoint it.
Whether it was a foot,
A hand,
Or the whole baby moving.
It was beautiful.
It was my baby.
Just letting me know,
He or she was there.
Two Lives Become Three: #5: "Woman, Infant and Child” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
They say I have to eat right,
And WIC is there to help me out.
If you are unsure…
Here is what WIC is all about…
Milk, cheese and juice,
I have plenty to fill my tummy.
There is just so much of it…
Thank God I am spending no money.
Five and half gallons of milk.
That is what they gave me a month to drink.
My fridge can barely hold it,
And it’s a waste to pour down the sink.
2 pounds of cheese,
I go through it in a week or two.
My family has to help me with the 6 cans of juice,
But they can’t touch the cheese… because if they do…
They know I’ll break their fingers,
Cause cheese is what I crave day in and out.
If you still don’t understand,
WIC is just simply about…
Giving me food,
To help the baby grow inside me.
That way when the day comes…
We have healthy baby for every one to see.
Two Lives Become Three: #6: "Listing Name” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
I thought this would be easy.
We have played SIMS before.
We made our lives…
Like we wanted more.
We had a little girl on there.
We named her Rayne, because on that we both agreed.
But now here is the challenge…
Naming our real little seed.
If it’s a girl, we both like Tarrah Rayne.
If it’s a boy, we cannot agree.
He likes Manny Ramirez…
And that doesn’t suit me.
So he throws out some more:
Paul Pierce, Pedro Martinez or David Ortiz,
I can’t help but cringe,
Sigh and say OH GEEZ.
I noticed he was going with sports teams he actually likes.
And since he hates the Yankees to death…
I took a chance and threw out Derek Jeter,
And I held my breath.
He looked at me with a stern eye and said,
“You have got to be kidding me!”
I was… but I just nodded away.
He was relieved, that I could see.
We haven’t decided on a boy’s name.
So hopefully we have a girl because on that we agree.
And I’d rather have my child love…
Not hate me.
Two Lives Become Three: #7: “The Theme” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
We still don’t know whether it is a boy or a girl,
But I figured I’d start to think about the room.
If we have a girl,
Anne Geddes is a good theme I assume.
I pitch the idea to Larry.
(The one that wants little Manny Ramirez to reside here.)
And what he is going to say,
Is exactly what I fear.
Let me tell you,
He knows what “Anne Geddes” is by now.
And with his response,
The whole family just says, “WOW.”
I told him nicely,
If it’s a girl, the theme of the room could be…
And he just stares,
Like something is wrong with me.
Then he slowly replies,
“I still like the name we already chose for a girl.”
That sent me head a spinning,
Sent my mind for a whirl.
He had gotten the wrong idea,
And it obviously hasn’t sunk in yet.
When I said, “We aren’t naming the baby Anne Geddes…”
His face turned red… you can bet.
Only-2006
You’ve loved me-
Only
In the midst of summer.
You’ve left me-
Only
To find that love is what you’ve lost.
You’ve begged me-
Only
To see I love you no more.
You’ve loved me-
Only
To love no one else.
The Day before Christmas-2006
It’s the day before Christmas,
And everywhere I look-
Christmas trees and bells,
Decorations in every nook.
The stockings are being hung,
The pies too must bake.
Christmas carolers outside
And gingerbread men for goodness sake.
Joyful people,
And kids all a glow…
At the sight on the day before Christmas-
The winter’s fist snow.
And when the night falls,
The kids rush up to bed.
Not to dream of silliness,
But what Santa will leave instead.
This gives time
To just you and I.
Sitting by the fire
As we both let out a sigh.
The c lock struck midnight.
Christmas is actually here.
But after a full day’s work-
Just hold me near.
In the morning we can be
Full of laughter and bliss.
Tonight we’ll just soak in-
The day before Christmas.
Reindeer-2006
I’ve been on his list-
I know he knows my name.
But this year when Santa checks,
It won’t be the same.
I won’t have any presents
Under that Christmas tree.
They’ll be marked mom, dad and sis,
But there will be none there for me.
Santa won’t like
That I have been bad all year.
But I don’t care.
I’m only waiting to hear reindeer.
Santa Clause-2006
So many times I lay awake at night.
Awaiting the sound of the sleigh.
“Not to worry little one,” mama says.
“The big guy is on his way.”
And so I fall asleep
Counting the toys I’ll get under the tree.
Little toy trucks and cars that go beep.
Away in Christmas slumber- sleepy me.
Until dawn breaks at last
And the sights of presents are all a glow.
Ever so clearly I hear a faint,
“HO HO HO!”
Ho, Ho, Home-2006
“BANG!”
It awoke me Christmas Eve night.
“CRACK!”
I wanted to turn on the light.
I forgot it was Christmas
And grabbed the covers over my head.
Tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t,
So I hid under my bed.
“SCRATCH!”
Did anyone else hear?
I wanted to scream-
But I was caught up in fear.
I got up the courage,
And ran down to see
Exactly what was in the house
That had awaken me.
Then “tap tap tap” on the roof
Is all I heard alone-
Then he called out,
“RUDOLF- take me
Ho
Ho
Home!”
Energy-2006
What I put into dialing your number…
It makes no sense,
The reasons I love you.
They are dreams.
There is no way that I could love you.
You do not exist.
Figment of my imagination.
That is all.
And all you will ever be…
So leave…
Leave me be.
Do not bother…
Because to me you are my imagination,
And to you
I am the same.
So let’s just leave
And call it a memory…
Because I can no longer waste,
My energy.
Rumor Has It-2006
You did all you could.
Especially when you said goodbye.
You made it simple…
For yourself.
There were no tears for you.
Grown men don’t cry.
That is why I still see you smiling.
Rumor has it though…
When she broke your hear…
A tear streamed down your face.
So, tell me…
Does heartbreak really hurt?
Turning 13-2006
To: Sydney Rude
Turning 13…
You think you have it all…
Good grades in school
And friends to always call.
You have your faith in God
That you keep by your side.
You have your own bedroom
Where you can run and hide.
You have your parents
To fall back onto.
You have the rest of your family
Who really does love you.
Your teddy bear that still keeps you safe,
Even though you aren’t three.
Now matter how old you get…
You’ll always have me!
Beautifully Unwritten-2006
About Grandma and Grandpa Snedeker
After so many years
When tomorrow the sun can't shine.
After all the memories
That became yours and mine.
When the wallpaper peels
And our hearts are no longer red-
After we are laid to rest
And those hearts are dead.
Our rings-
Our "I do's" will remain.
And our love too...
But will have nothing to gain.
Pictures from long ago
Captured each memory.
Remembering Clarence and Alene...
Where I can go on still loving you; and you can still go on loving me.
Mistress to Me-2006
Her face of beauty,
Blemishes are rare.
She is greatly appreciated,
By every little stare.
I am unworthy
To this she was unaware.
I hated her because of my husband.
Who did care?
This was her secret
This was always there.
She made her life simple
And mine unfair.
She was beautiful
To all else who could see…
But what she didn’t know is…
She was a mistress to me.
A Woman Is a Woman-2006
A woman stood on the rocks looking out to sea…
But now I wonder,
Did she ever see me?
This woman a goddess of beauty…
Can’t be more than a vision
Standing at sea.
A woman is a woman no matter how old.
This woman of 40,
20 years is all her story told.
A woman’s life can take many a fold.
This woman took me in
And I bought her gold.
Three words a woman shall hear too…
I gave her this,
When I said I do.
We live here now at the sea of blue…
Like her eyes are
When she says I LOVE YOU!
The Next Ashes Will Be Mine… (Sequel to a Woman Is A Woman) -2006
No tears go uncried
When I think of this woman at sea.
I spread those ashes
Because that is what she asked of me.
These ashes are the last
Part of life I have to hold so close to my heart.
She cannot leave the sea,
This is where her new life will start.
So I stand here on this rock,
And say my last goodbye for this time.
Even though I know…
The next ashes spread here will be mine.
Un-2006
Untouchable-
Unreachable lengths.
Undeniable feelings inside.
Unreeling love for you-
Under-construction in my forsaken heart.
Unrecognizable to everyone around.
Unknown love shattered.
Unmistakably MINE!
Untouched.
Morning Dew-2006
Morning dew upon the grass
Christening our lives
Kindling all sentimental values
Enduring in our hearts
Never once acknowledging us
Never disturbed or irritated
Always just making us smile.
Autumn-2006
Low-hanging clouds
Weeping on the October
Orange tree.
Branches outstretched arms
Protesting against autumn's
Quick emphasis.
Greyhound-2006
She’s on a greyhound
Missing her mama’s touch.
Got a card in here hand
That says, “We miss you so much.
Daddy couldn’t say it,
Because his heart hurts so…
But he does love you…
Just so you know.
And when you get where you are going,
And to wherever you want to be…
Remember you have a home here…
Here with Papa and me…”
Two Lives Become Three: #8: “"Almost A Father”‘s Day” -2006
About Tarrah Rayne Allen
Today is Father's Day-
They say you aren't a father yet...
Hallmark doesn't make "Almost a dad" cards,
That anyone can get.
But it will be here soon,
And I know you’ll be so glad…
When our little one looks up at you,
And knows you are “Dad.”
The day the baby finally comes,
I’m sure that you’ll be scared…
But you’ll be so happy and in love,
That you will feel prepared.
We have our place to bring the baby home to,
And everything is almost set.
I guarantee that when you become this “Father,”
You’ll be the best that one could get.
But the baby isn’t here yet,
So I will have to say…
Until this miracle occurs,
Happy "Almost A Father”’s Day.
The Final Destination-2006
I stood in front of God.
My eyes, they did not flinch.
My hands, they were clammy.
I did not move an inch.
I waited with great anticipation
For the sight of my Lord to appear.
I felt His lovely presence
And could not wait for Him to be here.
I longed for this moment.
My mind could not fathom the sight.
I was in the final place
And overwhelmed by the light.
The Lord my God appeared before me
And asked, “Why should I let you through?”
I answered to my Savior,
“I have no answer good enough for You.
“Your beauty is of great truth
And your grace is too deserving…
There is nothing that I could say
That to You I wasn’t serving.
“Your praise I sing to others who need to know,
And your challenges I overcame.
To see your face my Lord
That was my only aim.
“And here I stand my God,
In front of You today.
Things I have done in my past
I know you forgive me and take them away.
“My God, My Lord,
My Savior, here I stand.
Just like I always have,
Holding your hand.”
I entered with God
Through those gates of gold and pearl.
My God as my father,
And I his little girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment