Pint of Ben & Jerry’s for the End

April 2, 2010

If I told you my relationship failed because I am useless, inadequate, unpretty and apparently very much not relationship material- you may say something like, “Oh, she just wants all the pity.”

If I told you my relationship failed because of him… it was his entire fault, he expected everything from me and did nothing himself- you may say something like, “Her ego is too big and she must think her crap don’t smell either.”

Either way though, it seems like people’s outlook on the ending of relationships always leaves one or the other looking bad. It always seems to be a “finger-pointing party,” where it is either all her fault or all his for not doing something or another.

Pretty much when things go rotten in a relationship, if the couple doesn’t have the same group of friends, then usually, he complains to his friends about all of her flaws, and she complains to her group of friends about his, making each group think very poorly about the other person.

Like I said, it is guaranteed that her friends will stand by her, and his by him, because neither group is getting both sides of the story- unless you have the same group of friends and they are, for sure, hearing both sides and therefore can judge for themselves whom they think is the cause of all the sourness and for the relationship going south.

Sometimes, when a relationship breaks a girl’s heart, or doesn’t exceed her expectations, she drowns her sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (or whatever brand she may like), turn on a depressing movie, and sob.

A couple movies come to mind when I think about ending relationships:

1. “He’s Just Not That Into You.”[1] Starring people such as Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Ben Affleck, and Jennifer Aniston.

Great movie… if you want to be told the complete and utter truth about guys and their ways and ultimately never want to be happy again. This is the kind of movie that makes you over analyze for the rest of your life. Every time when in a relationship or meeting a guy, trying to interpret him and his actions or words. Reading between the lines, if you will.

In complete honesty- Good movie, but makes girls want to become either nuns or lesbians and never go men again.

2. “I Hate Valentine’s Day.”[2] Starring people such as Nia Vardalos and John Corbett. The problem with this movie is the same problem I found with the next movie I will talk about, and the problem is… the ending. Throughout the whole movie, you are into it, you are feeling what is happening, you start to really see Genevieve’s point of view in having only five dates and no more because when relationships happen and develop, they are nothing but unhappiness. (Of course, us girls would see the point in that theory if we are sulking in our own failed relationship at the time.) But, like always when we are feeling the story line, there it is, waiting for us… the FAIRYTALE ENDING! Of course Greg would come to her window. Of course he would have a band playing jazz music. Of course he would be singing the song she sang at karaoke even though he doesn’t like to sing in public. Of course all of her friends and family would be there too just to make a makeshift heart in the middle of an empty street in Brooklyn. Of course, of course, of course… because that happens all the time, especially in real life! (Pause…) NOT!

3. “Someone Like You.”[3] Starring Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman, Greg Kinnear and Marisa Tomei. This movie, like stated in #2, has that fairytale ending that us girls don’t really want to see, but know that it will happen. This movie however, entails a wonderful theory that Jane Goodale researches. This theory labels dumped women as old cows and therefore comparing men to male animals. This suggested that the male would move on to a new cow after a while and not come back to the previous one because it was already tainted, for lack of a better word. Perhaps Jane had a good point. There are very few relationships that rekindle after having ended badly. Then again, can that theory be switched too? Could there be a label like such for dumped men? I don’t know- but as much as the movie makes you think and want to research the “old cows,” Jane finds a fairytale at the end of the movie.

So what does this mean? Is everyone eventually able to find a fairytale in their life? Is there a happy ending somewhere for everyone? I don’t know the answer to that either.

I do know that people come in and out of our lives all the time, and if relationships end, they end. That’s it. For now, I guess a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is a good idea.

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[1] Information about “He’s Just Not That Into You” can be found at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

[2] Information about “I Hate Valentine’s Day” can be found at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0762105/

[3] Information about “Someone Like You” can be found at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0244970/

Because You are the Father

March 26, 2010

By: Ashley B. Vincent & Kristen DeJesus

You have a habit of not wanting to do something with your child. Perhaps you feel scared to give him/her a bath because he/she is little. Maybe you are not changing his/her diaper because you still don’t know the way the diaper faces or which way to wipe. I understand, newborns especially are kind of scary- I was scared to take care of my newborn all by myself for the first couple days, but eventually you get into the swing of things.

And with LOTS of patience and a little practice, everything starts to fall into place. Things become easier and not so scary. Stuff becomes more of a routine and sooner or later you stop thinking about what you are doing (i.e. feeding, changing, bathing… etc) with your child, and just start doing it… maybe…

Unless you are a delusional father who thinks they are doing everything for their child by just paying the bills and that is it. But NEWS FLASH… listen up daddies:

Being a father means being there for your child come hell and high water. Being a father means listening to your child and showing them that you care, letting them see that you are interested in even the most 'mundane' things in their life, their fears, their hopes, and anything and everything in-between.

Being a father means taking the time out of your 'oh-so-busy' day, to sit with your child for 5 minutes while they tell you a story, even if you just think it is a bunch of babble. Being a father includes, but does not stop at, unconditional love, emotional support, financial support, kissing boo-boos, giving hugs, playing 'tea party', reading, and coloring with your child.

Being father means giving up things for your child- when you are in an intense game of Call of Duty or Day of Defeat, and the little one says they have something to show you or want to play hide-and-go-seek, you get off the game and go do it. I don’t care if they want to show you the sunrays seeping in through the window and now sprawling out upon on the living room floor or if they just discovered that the tile in the kitchen is marbled with different colors- YOU GET UP! Because anytime your child has something to show you or tell you, it is a million times more important than what you are doing at that second.

The list continues, but, you get the picture. But oh yeah, do not forget that being a father also means being involved with important things. Especially like all schooling (filling out papers, parent-teacher meets, science fair night… etc), doctors visits, dance recitals, swimming meets, baseball games or any other hobby or sport the child is in that day, week, month or year.

And there should be two reasons for you to do all this and go above and beyond for your child: you love him/her with the fiber of your being and YOU ARE THE FATHER! ­­­­­­­­­­­

­*Note from the Authors: We know that there are a lot of good men out there that step up to plate and do their fatherly duties accordingly. There are those men who step up to the plate to take care of kids that aren’t even their biological children. This article is not for those fathers. This article is for the many fathers who aren’t stepping up to the plate. Also, this article can easily be called “Because You are the Mother.” This is not an attack by two mothers upon just fathers for the heck of it. There are many mothers out there who need a swift kick in the rear as well because they are lacking in the mother department. We just want to clarify that we understand, there are both fathers AND mothers who need to take more responsibility.

My Midnight Wal-Mart Release Party Adventure

March 20, 2010

I had planned to go there; and planning it wasn’t a question- I WAS GOING! I was going to go, and I was going to get my DVD if I had to wait in line all night long.

I am not that kind of person to stay up all night, so this was going to be a challenge, but I went. I wasn’t first in line. The people who were there first were there at 8:00pm. I myself was getting there around 10:30, 11:00pm, with my mom and daughter in tow for the evening to keep company. So, I made my way to the end of the line.

I wasn’t the end of the line; people were filing behind me right up until midnight and even thereafter. I most certainly wasn’t first in line as we established. However, I don’t think I was quite in the middle either. Because by the time 12:00am rolled in for the DVD to be released, the line wrapped halfway around Wal-Mart. But if I had to guess I would say my approximate location in the line was about 49 or 59 give or take a handful of people. I figure I am some sort of number 9 because the Wal-Mart workers were handing out quizzes to groups of ten and I figure there were about 4 or 5 groups ahead of my group.

Simple really. You fill out the quiz, compete against 10 other people in line, and three of the 10 get a prize- their choice of a Team Edward or Team Jacob water bottle. I… I wanted a water bottle, really bad. I turned over my quiz when they said go and I was lost.

Perhaps that was because they were asking things like, “What color roses aren’t in the Cullen’s kitchen?” I didn’t know the answer to that and to be frank, I don’t even know if that was the exact question anymore. I wasn’t paying attention to the color of roses anyway during the movie. I was more focused on dialog (which on those question that came from dialog, I did get correct.) But that is just me. You have those fanatics that study the movie and whatnot- I don’t do that.

So I filled out my quiz to the best of my ability. The people behind me were saying their answers aloud and on the ones I couldn’t figure out, I took theirs. I thought the little girl behind me knew what she was talking about. She was decked out in her Edward Cullen t-shirt and clutching her Twilight purse.

“STOP!” There it was- it was time to hand ours in. I felt like I was in school and I was afraid to fail the class, only this time I was afraid of… not getting a water bottle. They didn’t take long to grade, because before the anticipation could even start, they were back with the winners names. Ashley Vincent was not called. That could easily be because I did completely forget to put my name on the quiz anyway. But no matter the excuse I say I didn’t win, I didn’t win. Three other girls did. I was not happy. I tried so hard to get a water bottle, I offered to buy one, and couldn’t since they were only for promotional purposes.

I kept trying to reassure myself that it was good I didn’t win because that meant I wasn’t that crazy a fanatic. Although I am… a crazy fanatic over this. I'm a fanatic ... never thought I would be. EVER! When the books first started getting really popular, I cringed. I kept saying through all the hype, "Who cares about vampires and werewolves and some stupid girl loving them?" But in September 2009, I was introduced to Twilight. In less than 5 minutes, I was in. Hook, line and sinker- I was a fanatic. Here I was, 24 years old, with a daughter, falling for Edward, seeing eye-to-eye with Jacob, and loathing Bella, simply because it was not me!

I never have been crazy like this over a movie or a character. I have my loves for actors; I was in love with Ashton Kutcher for a long time! (Shhh, I still like him.) This, isn’t a love for a vampire or a werewolf. This isn’t a love for a guy who sparkles in the sun or has a feverish touch. This is a love for Robert Pattinson. Must be, because when he asked Bella to marry him at the end of New Moon, my voice was all that was heard in the theaters when I yelled, “YES ROBERT!” I am merely just head over heels for Robert. And I don’t care because, I am not too much older than him. He is just one year, one month and 3 weeks younger than me. That is so not grounds to call me a cougar.

Anyway, by the end of the night, I was whining I didn’t have a water bottle and so was my 3-year-old daughter who hadn’t even seen the movie. But I did get the DVD. I made my way to the front when the line started moving at 12:01am. There it was in my sight. I could see the stand. New Moon splashed all over it with Edward, Bella and Jacob’s faces. As I looked for my DVD, I noticed different prices. The ones in front of me were $24.99. Looked at it, and noticed that it did not have the 7-minute Eclipse preview. So I searched and looked and found the one with the preview… for $29.99. Searched some more and found just a standard, Twilight Saga New Moon two-disc special edition for $17.99. Sadly, not a “fan collectable,” but I was not paying $24.99 for just a “fan collectable” DVD with a fancy cover that changed when you moved it, and I wasn’t paying $29.99 just for a “fan collectable” that just had a 7-minute preview of a movie that will be out in just over three months.

So, maybe you want to dub me as not a big fan since I didn’t splurge for the preview. But I must say, anyone who stands in line for any amount of time to buy a DVD must be a fan of some sort. And my waiting for an hour and a half was worth my getting the DVD, because now, I get to go home, watch New Moon and at least wish that I could have a vampire life. (Not really, just wish I could meet Robert and have him sweep me of my feet. No biting or converting required.)

Tilikum’s Future: SeaWorld vs. the Ocean Debate

February 25, 2009

Yesterday, 40-year-old Dawn Brancheau was killed by Tilikum, one of the killer whales at Orlando, Florida’s SeaWorld. Dawn, a trainer at the park, was somehow pulled into the whale’s tank where she drowned, although how the exact events played out are still being investigated.

This however was not Tilikum’s first encounter with the death of a trainer. In 1991, a trainer was killed in British Columbia, where Tilikum was living at the time. The trainer had slipped and fell into the tank and the Orca’s began to play with her, tossing her back and forth- she too, drowned.

Tilikum also was involved in an incident that happened between the two trainers deaths in 1999. This fatal incident was ruled to not be Tilikum’s fault. A man stayed in the park after it closed, slipping passed security to enter the Orca tank area. He was said to have died from a combination of hypothermia and drowning.

Measuring in at 22’ 6” and tipping the scales at 12,300 pounds, this massive whale’s main job is to soak the audience with its tail when “Shamu” is chanted in the show “Believe” at SeaWorld.

Tilikum, meaning “friend” in Chinook Jargon, seems to not be too friendly at all. I understand that this Orca is very popular and worth a lot to SeaWorld, but at this point, keeping the killer whale on as entertainment or for any purpose at all seems kind of risky.

Having been involved with or been responsible for the deaths of three people up to this point, I believe this whale’s time in limelight is up. There is no reason for this whale to be around humans. Howard Garrett from the Orca Network says, “Lack of companionship may have triggered the attack.” He goes on to say, “Keeping a mammal like this isolated in a tank for long periods of time, causes stress.”
Pretty much, since this whale is not getting enough attention or play time, he is acting out and trying to play with the humans. Of course, the only way for them to play, is for the whales to drag the object under water. In this case, the person(s) drowned.

Yet, with all this information and with three people dead under Tilikum’s belt, CNN’s Randi Kaye reports “Orca Network believes that SeaWorld will keep Tilikum since he is the primary male breeding whale to all SeaWorld parks- he is worth millions.”

Apparently, the price tag of a whale is more important than the price tag of a human life to SeaWorld.

Sesame Street Live Doesn’t Disappoint the Kids

February 21, 2010

On February 21, 2010, Elmo and the Sesame Street gang finished up their 3 day show at the Binghamton Forum, and Tarrah Allen, 3, of Binghamton was there for the last showing.

Full of excitement, and rearing to go in her Elmo overalls, Tarrah had a smile on her face that was contagious.

"I am going to see Elmo," she exclaimed all Sunday. "I love Elmo and Abby (Cadabby)."

With the place packed and the lights turned down, every little eye in the house was peeled to the stage when Big Bird's voice came over the speaker announcing the show was about to begin and within a minute, cheers, giggles, yells and shouts were heard from a lot of tiny voices as Elmo and Big Bird took to the stage.

It was said throughout Binghamton that this was a really good show, and as a parent, I must say that the people’s review was not wrong. Sesame Street Live was even able to make the adults free their inner child for the 1 ½. There were lots of laughs and lots of fun. Sesame Street never disappoints on TV, displaying the vibrant colors and the enthusiasm- they didn’t disappoint in bring that same technique to the stage. I walked out tired from the interactive show and my daughter couldn’t stop talking about every little detail.

So, I recommend this show to any parent, grandparent or guardian: if you have a child who loves Sesame Street, this show is worth the money for a ticket.

When It Comes to Pregnancy and Teens

January 25, 2010

I have been asked to speak to a group of training volunteers at the Life Choices Center[1] in Binghamton on February 8^th, 2010 about my story. They have gathered a few women who have had experience in certain areas dealing with pregnancy. My area is adoption.

I won’t get into the specifics, because that is not what I want this article to be about… my adoption story. However, I have had a long time to think about what I a m going to say at this meeting and about the question that were forwarded to me that will be asked about my experience.

However, I have come to one conclusion- that no matter what choice is made, it will always affect you. Once there is a pregnancy, the moment a child is conceived, there will be affects that are life changing. Whether you keep the baby, adopt out the baby, make the choice to abort the baby or even have a miscarriage, there is never any denying that you were pregnant at one point. And there is no way that the pregnancy will not affect you.

Pregnancy is a life changing event that now, in 2010 seems to be epidemic. For instance, The Pregnancy Pact, a Lifetime movie that premiered on January 23, 2010. It is a story of young girls in high school who made a secret pact to get pregnant and have babies together. However, I think the movie was more of that story intertwined with the story of the video blog reporter who too had a baby when she was 16 years old.

No matter what the plot line of the movie was, we can gather that they didn’t make this movie just because it was an idea that was brainstormed. There is a real issue with teen pregnancy, real issue with how to deal with it and a real issue on how to help the girls. Then again, the girls aren’t the only ones that need help. The boys need it to. That however, is beside the point. A really good question and a debate that I am sure will not end anytime soon, is: Should public and perhaps even private schools hand out contraceptives? Should we all get involved in helping our community rather than just our own kids?

I guess that question is a two way street. There is never a really straight forward answer because no one is ever really going to agree on one answer.

But there is one thing we can do- we can make it clear to all the kids that pregnancy should not be played with. It shouldn’t be a game, a contest or a pact. Pregnancy is a gift no matter what, it always will be. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t stop telling our kids that it is the best idea to wait for this gift. That getting your life on track and having a set plan is the best idea for you before a child comes into play. No matter how much it is said, it will always be true… pregnancy and sex is best saved for when you are married. Once you have sex, there is a chance of pregnancy no matter how many ways you try to protect yourself from it. The best way is to practice absence before marriage, because once you get pregnant, your life is changed.

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[1] The Life Choices Center is located at 93 Oak St. Binghamton, NY and provide free services to those who are pregnant that include but are not limited to: Free pregnancy tests with immediate result, One-on-one mentoring, Accurate information on your pregnancy options, Referrals for prenatal care, WIC and PCAP services, Maternity clothing and baby items, Pregnancy and fetal development information and a 24-hour helpline: 1-800-395-HELP(4357). They also have a website where all their information is posted including their hours. www.lifechoicescenter.org

BCC students get restless and look for answers

November 8, 2009

On November 4, 2009, a strike was coordinated by Tyrone Heppard and me on the Broome Community College campus against the Board of Trustees in hopes that something would soon change for the sake of the students, faculty and the future of the college itself.

The strike took place in the Student Center’s cafeteria at 11 am until 2:30 pm. There was entertainment including: bongo playing by Rashid, two bands: The Ryan & Arthur Band and No Way José, break dancing by Laine, Omari and others, and rapping by Tyrone. However, everyone was more concentrated on the petition that was being passed around.

Tyrone and I had our hands full though with something else, the media.

On Friday, October 30, 2009, Doug Schneider from the Press and Sun Bulletin contacted me about the press release I sent him just a few hours early that stated:

“On Wednesday November 4, 2009, there will be a Student Strike held in the Student Center Quad at Broome Community College at 11 AM. The reasoning behind the strike is to inform the BCC Board of Trustees that the students are standing with the Faculty and the Broome County Legislature: we do not approve of the BOT’s performance. Students are concerned about the effect of their faculty working without a contract. We are also concerned that the campus is without a permanent president. Both of these situations have been going on for nearly two years: for some of us, that’s our whole education here. This strike was organized by BCC students for BCC students. We are often accused of not being as engaged in our campus as other students. This is our chance to get involved and express our concerns to the Board of Trustees and the public. We are exercising our First Amendment rights to make it clear that we are aware of the issues facing our college and understand how they affect us. We are hoping for a sizable turnout for this event, and hope you will find it worth covering.”

Before Mr. Schneider called me, he called Tyrone. In my head I was preparing what I would say to the reporters if contacted, and hoped I had something good to say. When my phone rang and he said, “Hello Ashley? This is Doug Schneider from The Press and Sun Bulletin.” I became scared. My hands went clammy, and my temperature rose to something that felt like 200°. I remember some of the questions he asked. Things like: who, what, when, where and why? How big of a turn out do you expect? What is the next step after the strike? What made you come up with the idea to do this? How does this issue of no permanent president and no faculty contracts affect the students?

Although he asked me some really great questions, and I gather from his response of, “Wow, that is a really great point” (that he must have said about 50 times in a 17 minute period) that I must have said some really good comments and answers, although until I read some of my quotes in the paper on October 31 and November 2, I couldn’t remember one thing I said. I honestly do not know why I was so scared and nervous, but that 17 minute phone conversation seemed like an hour, and all I have to say is, thank God it was on the phone and not in person because I think it would have been a whole lot worse. However if I had to analyze why I was scared, I think that I would have to say it was because I knew he knew that I was one of the protest organizers and I felt like I had to be professional and articulate.

The press release was sent to four media outlets in the Binghamton area along with The Press and Sun Bulletin, they include: News Channel 34, WBNG TV Channel 12, Fox 40 and News 10 Now, in hopes that at least one would show up. On November 4, when 10:55 am rolled around and Tyrone and I were getting ready to make an announcement to begin the strike, 2 of the four channels showed up and by 11:10, the other two were there and the interviews were done.

I am not sure why, but I was more scared to talk to Mr. Schneider on the phone rather than talking to the news crew on camera in person. I was still very nervous and kind of unsure what to say, even though I had been through it many times in my head, recited it to many people who asked what was going on and why, and I even had to tell a reporter once already.

Just about the same questions were asked by the video media that were asked by the print media, except in a shorter amount of time and not as many. In the back of my mind, I kept reminding myself to not say something stupid that they may use in the broadcast. Yet, I said this, “We don’t really have too much of a say, and this is us saying that we do have something’s to say. We aren’t really mad, like get your pitchforks kind of thing. We just want to calmly tell you that we aren’t happy.” And with my luck, channel 12 thought that was a great comment to use on the 6:00 pm news. On top of all that, I have a habit of talking with my hands- not wanting to do so on camera, I resorted to facial expressions and head movements.

Overall, the strike was successful. After the strike ended, Tyrone and I, along with the help of a mutual friend, headed to Front Street where we held our signs that said things like “The Students and Faculty Stand Together” while passing motorists honked their horns and gave us thumbs up.

On Friday November 6, 2009, Tyrone and I handed a cover letter and a petition with 179 signatures to the secretary of the Board of Trustees. We will see what happens, if nothing, we will work on a second plan.

LETTER TO THE BOT

Dear Broome Community College Board of Trustees, November 6, 2009

Lately, you have been the front and center of many news stories. Some of which I am unsure you even know about.

Hi, my name is Ashley Vincent. You may not have heard, but with the help of my friend Tyrone Heppard, we organized a strike against you. He, I and many of the students are frustrated with your lack of motivation in your duties. We have taken notice in many of the issues here on campus and the large problems here are all tied back to you.

Our strike took place on November 4, 2009 in the Student Center cafeteria at 11am, and then moved it to Front Street at 3pm with picket signs. I don’t know if you heard the constant honking of horns there in the Wales building, but there were many, motorists who honked, waved and gave us thumbs up.

Honestly, we have no confidence in you. You have had many chances to show that you are worthy of our respect and have not done anything to gain it. Frankly, we are sick of it. We here all have voice; this is your job to make this college all that it can be. Right now, you are just throwing BCC away. We just want you to know that, we cannot just stand by and watch you not do anything to make BCC better.

Sincerely,

Ashley B. Vincent

Tyrone L. Heppard

And the BCC Students