When We Become an “In-Law.”

June 27, 2009

We all have titles. In fact, we are born with at least one title when we come into this world: Son or Daughter. And as we grow up, we gain more and more titles. It seems the titles never stop. There always seems to be a label or title for everything. Different categories we can belong in. There are titles like student/teacher, employee/employer, so on and so forth.

However, the more important titles are those that aren’t considered labels. The labels are what people give us based on certain things like: age, race, sex, religion and even personality. What I am really concerned with are the titles we can never really get rid of, such as: daughter/son, sister/brother, mother/father, and the one we gain when we get into a serious relationship and get married… daughter/son-IN-LAW. That “in-law” is a killer. It makes part of a family that was never yours before. It makes you have another set parents and siblings. It really makes for a complicated life too. You either love your in-law’s or you don’t.

My problem is, when can we consider ourselves an “in-law?” I believe that only happens when you get married. However, there may be those people who think otherwise because they never want to get married but have a life-long partner and still want to be considered an “in-law.”

My boyfriend and his family I think have a hard time with this. When I am introduced to someone, his parents call me their “daughter-in-law,” after this awkward five-second silence of deciding what they really should say. Of course, I never do speak up; I just stare at my left hand that is completely empty. No wedding ring, no engagement ring, not even a dinky promise ring. So, I, on the other hand, would rather say it right- “I am Ashley, Larry’s girlfriend. Live in- for 4 years. We have a daughter together. We are not married because he hasn’t popped the question, so I am not an “in-law” of anything or any kind. Not to say I wouldn’t want to be, but I am not, just the girlfriend.”

Not to sound harsh, but until the ring is on the finger and you are either engaged or married, you are still just a girlfriend or boyfriend. Then a fiancé and then an in-law. Not me though, just a girlfriend. And I am okay with that- I just want you to get it right.