When We Become an “In-Law.”

June 27, 2009

We all have titles. In fact, we are born with at least one title when we come into this world: Son or Daughter. And as we grow up, we gain more and more titles. It seems the titles never stop. There always seems to be a label or title for everything. Different categories we can belong in. There are titles like student/teacher, employee/employer, so on and so forth.

However, the more important titles are those that aren’t considered labels. The labels are what people give us based on certain things like: age, race, sex, religion and even personality. What I am really concerned with are the titles we can never really get rid of, such as: daughter/son, sister/brother, mother/father, and the one we gain when we get into a serious relationship and get married… daughter/son-IN-LAW. That “in-law” is a killer. It makes part of a family that was never yours before. It makes you have another set parents and siblings. It really makes for a complicated life too. You either love your in-law’s or you don’t.

My problem is, when can we consider ourselves an “in-law?” I believe that only happens when you get married. However, there may be those people who think otherwise because they never want to get married but have a life-long partner and still want to be considered an “in-law.”

My boyfriend and his family I think have a hard time with this. When I am introduced to someone, his parents call me their “daughter-in-law,” after this awkward five-second silence of deciding what they really should say. Of course, I never do speak up; I just stare at my left hand that is completely empty. No wedding ring, no engagement ring, not even a dinky promise ring. So, I, on the other hand, would rather say it right- “I am Ashley, Larry’s girlfriend. Live in- for 4 years. We have a daughter together. We are not married because he hasn’t popped the question, so I am not an “in-law” of anything or any kind. Not to say I wouldn’t want to be, but I am not, just the girlfriend.”

Not to sound harsh, but until the ring is on the finger and you are either engaged or married, you are still just a girlfriend or boyfriend. Then a fiancé and then an in-law. Not me though, just a girlfriend. And I am okay with that- I just want you to get it right.

Five Years Ago: I Never Knew the Meaning of “They grow up so fast.”

June 26, 2009

My cap and gown still hang in the hall coat closet in a garment bag. My pictures are still in a shoebox in my bedroom closet. My diploma is neatly tucked away on a shelf in the computer room. And not once have I thought about any of them in the last five years. I have been more consumed with life itself-college and my daughter… but today, today I thought back to it all.

I thought about the blue and gold colors and the gymnasium where the ceremony happened. I thought about walking up to the stage to receive my honors for graduating from high school. I must say, I am proud of myself. I am not trying to have a big ego- but I think when one graduates, there is an inner voice that starts to throw a party. I was proud of myself- especially since my senior year and my junior year too were not the best ones of my life. I didn’t have much to be proud of back then and this joyous day was a break in my black hole- the light at the end of the tunnel so they say.

But today, June 26, today I was shocked. I grew up hearing adults say, “They grow up so fast.” I never understood it. Then today, I got a text message from an old high school friend. She had her second baby today at 4:50 p.m. - Alexis LeAnne. All I remember thinking is, how good it was that she had her baby today rather than yesterday. “No one wants to have a baby on the day Michael Jackson died. That would be horrible.” That is all I remember thinking, and then my mom said it too. I guess with the week being filled with celebrity deaths (Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson), I suppose all my days kind of just blurred together as I was attached to watching the news and checking all the updates on their deaths, memorials, funerals and legacies on sites like People.com, CNN and ET Online.

June 26^th, it never hit me that today as all my graduation memories faded to the back of my mind over the years, that today was the five-year mark that I graduated. Five years ago, I put on the cap and gown, and five years ago, I received that diploma while my classmates and I all went our separate directions. Five years ago, I never knew the meaning of “They grow up so fast.” But that was five years ago. Today, I have a biological son who will be five in a month and a beautiful daughter who will be three in October. “They grow up so fast.” “They grow up so fast.” “They grow up so fast.” They really do, so Thank You God for pictures, or we wouldn’t remember anything from five years ago.

Dear Mom and Dad: Letter from a Child

June 23, 2009

Dear Mom and Dad,

Is it okay if I call you that? Mom and Dad… That’s what you would have been after I was born- technically that is what you were the moment I was conceived. I have a question for you. Do you ever think about me? When you see a little girl on her bike with her Mommy at the park, do you sit and watch her wishing that could have been you and I? Or when there is a man fishing with his son and they catch a big one and get excited- do you think that could have been us Dad?

I miss you so much. I wish I was still with you, inside Mommy’s belly where it was all warm and comfy. There is so much I would have looked forward to; times where Mommy could just brush my hair or times when Daddy and I could fix things together. Mommy could have taught me to bake cookies and Daddy could show me how to tie my shoes. I think we would have had lots of fun together and I wish I was able to be there learning everything a child should.

You and I both don’t really know what I was going to be, but you didn’t want to get to know me. At least I don’t think you did. That is what you did what you did right? Did you not think I was alive? Did you not know I had a beating heart? Did you not know that my brain was developing? I could have been an astronaut, a school teacher, a policeman, a lawyer or a doctor. I could have been a vet, a fireman, a journalist, a photographer, a homemaker.

I might have been really good in school. Got good grades, had fun at prom and went to a great college. What would you say when I got married? Would you be excited seeing me at my wedding? Depending on my job I might have had a cool car like a viper or just a sensible car for a family to be transported in. I could have been a parent someday. Maybe had a baby or two or three of my own. What would I have named them? What would they look like?

I wonder where I would have lived. Buying a house for my family and having a fenced in yard with a dog. Maybe not- I may have been allergic.

I wonder…

I wonder…

I wonder… what my life would have been like if you decided to keep me or give me the life you knew you couldn’t to another couple.

Do you any have answers?

Love,

Your aborted baby.

P.S. Do you think of me too?

Are You Twittering, MySpacing, Facebooking or Blogging?: What Are YOU Up To?

June 11, 2009

“Jane says why would you come without tissue? I had no IDEA! BRAVO BRAVO!!”- Oprah on seeing RUINED on June 6^th.

Isn’t amazing how with all the sites that can keep us “in touch” there is always a new one popping up that gets even more amazing? We can not only see what our friends are doing, but we can check up on our favorite celebs like Oprah, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and everyone else.

When I first heard about MySpace, I remember it was my first year of college and the guy I was dating hung out in a place called the SA Café on campus. I and everyone else I knew considered this hang out for the… geeks. Anyway, he hung out there and often told me of this MySpace fiasco that had everyone raving. I stuck to my guns though, I wanted nothing to do with it, why I don’t know, but I was sure it wasn’t something I wanted to be hooked to.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t holding on to my guns too tight and I soon slipped away onto my computer and typed in www.myspace.com. This was it. I was joining the millions of people. Soon, I was lost in a world of finding old classmates, updating my profile, search for layouts and glittery signs, googling different banners and commenting on all my friends. I was telling my mom about this great site and making her and everyone make a page. I had all the places to get cool layouts bookmarked, and even tried to befriend anyone and everyone.

Then came Facebook. A place I thought I had really not one ounce of interest in. Though, for some reason, I logged into www.facebook.com and made an account. Granted I still am weak in the facebook area, I still have an account.

Then it was Blogger. This really caught my fancy and I never said I wouldn’t do this one. With no hesitation I typed in www.blogger.com I found this one to be my favorite place. With all the writing I do, I figured this would be the place where I could have my own on-line portfolio. I soon found myself with a blog for my every day, a blog for my writing and a blog for my photography. I find myself constantly checking to see if anyone commented my posts, or to see if anyone finds my stuff interesting so much that they want to follow me so they don’t miss a thing.

Now the new thing is Twitter. I was sure, that with every fiber of my being that I would never get mixed up in this site. I saw no need to advertise to the world what I was doing and when I would be or was doing it. But this site was plastered everywhere! The TV was talking about it, CNN was talking about it, and it was in many articles on the internet. I was not free- they were trying to buy my attention for this www.twitter.com site with every place I looked. They even got me with my favorite actor. You know, it was Ashton Kutcher who made me make an account? I honestly can say I DO NOT KNOW WHY I MADE AN ACCOUNT! Then- it happened. My Aunt who is slightly computer illiterate, became a Twitterer. I couldn’t believe it. I had the account and blew off the site for a month. Now, just today, I have twittered six times. SIX! About everything; what I am watching, what I am writing, what I am just generally doing.

This is it. I am an internet communication junkie. I can be found here, there and everywhere. I am logging into sites like my hometown newspaper and leaving comments on heated articles, I am posting my articles there and letting people from my community battle it out with their opinions, then I am spreading it to CNN with iReports! And letting communities everywhere know about a place that most people cannot spell or pronounce properly (unless you are from here). I have passwords I have to remember, sites bookmarked and updates I make daily.

I am Ashley Vincent and currently I am ending this article because I think I made my point, and now it is lunch time. My two-year-old is craving Peanut butter and Fluff. Mmm! (I even Twittered that exact sentence.) What are you up to?

David Carradine Opened My Eyes

Some People Who Died in 2009 and Will be Missed: January 02 - Jet Travolta January 04 - Martin Patterson 'Pat' Hingle January 06 - Cheryl Holdridge January 8 - Claude Jeeter January 8 - Don Galloway January 13 - Patrick McGoohan January 14 - Ricardo Montalban January 27 - John Updike February 6 - James Whitmore February 11 - Estelle Bennett February 28 - Paul Harvey (Aurandt) March 7 - Jimmy Boyd March 13 -Betsy Blair, Alan W. Livingston, Andrew Martin March 14- Alain Bashung, Altovise Davis March 15 -Ron Silver March 18 -Natasha Richardson March 22- Jade Goody March 25- Dan Seals March 27 -Irving R Levine March 29- Andy Hallett April 9- Nick Adenhart April 25 -Beatrice (Bea) Arthur May 1- Danny Gans May 2 - Jack Kemp May 4 - Dom DeLuise May 18- Wayne Allwine June 3- David Carradine

June 5, 2009

When someone dies, we don’t really take too much notice unless it is one of three things: 1) It is a family member or friend, 2) It is a BIG name person (i.e. singer, actor or any other celebrity), or 3.) Someone close to someone that is close to us (i.e. your best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend’s mother; in which case you hear about it because your best friend tells you.)

Just a couple days ago, David Carradine was found dead in Bangkok. I do not know who he is by name or picture. But when I searched him on IMDB, I found out he was Bill on the popular movies Kill Bill. I have never seen these movies except for previews. I have heard about them though and know the titles. But, nevertheless, I still never saw a movie with David in it. And like I always do, (I am known as the “news girl” in my family) I immediately told my boyfriend about the death of this actor, thinking he may have known who he is. He blew off this news because he doesn’t know David Carradine’s work either.

However, today, I am looking at my usual news sites, PEOPLE.com and CNN; both of which have him plastered on the front pages because his death is “suspicious.” And still, I read the latest news about him, just because that is the way I am. I have to know everything- it is the journalist in me. I read an interesting quote from his niece, actress Martha Plimpton on People.com, “He was the nexus of our family in so many ways, and drew us together over the years and kept us connected. I adored him as a child, and as an adult I admired and respected him. We will all miss him terribly."

When I read this, it came to my realization that this was a man who had a family. Everyone who dies comes from somewhere and has someone who cares for them. We little people think of him just as another actor, but this man had friends and family who will miss him. He was an uncle to this woman not just some actor. He was her uncle who she looked up to.

So the next time someone dies and it catches your attention for any reason, take a minute to honor that person’s memory- if you knew them… or not.