Amazing Intelligence

January 21, 2008

An African Proverb says, “It does take a village, to work with the family, to raise a child and weather the storms of life.” Maybe that was true a long time ago, but nowadays, we can’t trust anyone but the parents to raise a child right. And sometimes, we can’t even trust them to do it right.

Ever since I have had my daughter, I feel like I have been trying to shield her from the woes of the world: the language, the crimes, the heartache and heartbreak. And I know that no matter how much I try, how many TV stations I block, how many times I try to censor my words, something is bound to get into her little brain and “infect” it.

As I watch my 15-month-old daughter go through her life, I am amazed at how much she picks up on things and not only understands, but repeats them. She just started saying the word “no,” and now says it 100 times daily. I know that a lot of the time kids say things just to hear themselves talk.

We can’t shield our kids from everything, and if we could I am sure it would kill them. All we can do is teach kids right from wrong and lead them down the right path. Whether they comply with it or not is a different subject.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B.VINCENT

There is nothing in the Medicine Cabinet

January 18, 2008

Nothing could prepare me the night my daughter woke up at two a.m. screaming bloody murder. I read What to Expect the First Year, but everything in that book flew out of my mind when her tiny voice yelled for me.

She wasn’t running a fever, but she was congested and her nose was like a geyser ready to blow. I wiped it off, gave her some Infants Motrin and she was back to sleep in no time. It was her teeth coming in. Oh what joy those months are when sleeping becomes foreign to you as a parent.

Now at 15-months-old, she was sleeping through the night, but it seemed that she was averaging 13 hours every night. This was unusual, since she was a go to bed late, wake up early kind of girl. The first morning she woke up after 13 hours though, she was accompanied by a new geyser in her nose. Mount Geyser of Tarrah is what I call it, and this thing sprung a leak like no other. Tissues disappeared like cookies, and it was no wonder why.

But when she began coughing, was this because of phlegm due to runny nose from more teething or because our strange winter season in Binghamton, had taken a toll on her health? And to make everything worse, “FDA Warns Parents Against Using Infant Cough and Cold Medicine.” My jaw dropped when I read the CNN headline, and there was now only one thing to do... call the doctor, who told me that all I could do is use saline nasal spray and buy a humidifier.

Nothing else was recommended for my child under two, and the last thing she said was, “wait it out, it will go away and she will be fine.” I knew she would be fine. The doctor didn’t need to tell me that. She is my daughter; she is a warrior against runny noses. I just wanted her to be “fine” sooner rather than later.

“The FDA has found in rare cases cough and cold products can cause death, and serious side effects,” Reported by: Michelle Paynter. As I passed the cough, cold and runny nose medicines in Target, I said to my daughter, “I would get you some medicine to help you feel better, but I don’t want to kill you.” It is amazing how our medicine cabinets are so bare now when it comes to children. Some of us just don’t know how to deal with it.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Pinching Pennies or Spending Dimes

January 16, 2008

Being a mother with a single child, I always go into a store to buy one thing, and leave with more than I came for. Then again, I have to be honest with you and I, it isn’t her fault. I have always been a spendy gal, and by gosh, she doesn’t even talk yet to tell me she wants something.

Yet when I went to the Dollar Bazaar (to save some bucks on notebooks), I ended up spending 17 dollars on things I am almost positive I didn’t need. A fleece hat for my daughter, a big green squeaky fish for her bath, two packs of permanent markers, a pack of highlighters, some wet cat food (even though we have dry at home that the cat eats), cat treats, a sign to hang in the foyer about the cat… and the reason I got all this when I don’t need it? Because it was only a DOLLAR! What is deceiving is the sign to the dollar store says, “Everything is $1.00 or less,” so we go in loading up 15 carts with “it’s only a dollar” on our minds and at the register we ended up spending 100 dollars.

On The Ohio State University website, there is a Manage Your Money article written by Ella Mae Bard. She states, “Avoid exposing yourself to things that will tempt you to spend. Stay away from the stores except when you have something you absolutely need to buy. Avoid "just looking." Browsing can lead to buying. Make a list and stick to it.” How I would love to make a list and stick to it… the problem is places like the dollar store.

In this month’s Redbook magazine issue, Christine Larson wrote an article called Spend Less Have More. In this article that opened my eyes, she gave websites that can help with spending money or saving money.

· FREECYCLE.ORG- a place where more than 4 million people belong and list items they no longer want or need. And it’s not EBay... they are giving these items away for FREE!

· GROCERYGAME.COM- tracks sales and specials at the grocery stores around the country.

· COOLSAVINGS.COM or CURRENTCODES.COM- lists thousands of coupon codes that helps you do your online shopping.

With websites like these, I should have a college savings up and running in no time for my daughter. That means less junk in the house, and more money in the bank.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Is 20-years-old… OLD?

January 16, 2008

There has never been a dull moment in my life. I was never a “party girl,” but I did have fun. I am still having fun. I have fun in a way I never expected. I am a mother, to a beautiful baby girl that brings so much joy into my life, any party ever could. I never needed to know what was going on any particular night, because I was positive it would be a blast, and that I would be partaking in it. Although, that was when I was 14, 15, 16-years-old, and I am now 22. You’d think that I am still having a blast every night, and partying until the cows come home. Nowadays, I am not partying until the cows come home; I am waiting for the man in my life to bring home money from his job so that I can go straight to the store for milk.

In a nutshell, I am a mother of a 15-month-old girl, a girlfriend, a student, and a housekeeper. I don’t have too many friends any more, and the ones I do have, are also mothers. Except for one, and she lives over the border into Pennsylvania, so we don’t see each other too often. Somehow though, other mothers find ways to “get out on the town.” and I don't know how, but given the choice, I am very happy with being a mom as often as I can be. It’s not that I am an antsy mother who is scared to leave her child, although I do call every five minutes just in case, it is the fact that I feel bad asking someone to take care of her for a couple hours while I go have fun. When I do head out to a movie or dinner with my boyfriend and leave my daughter with her grandparents, I have a hard time thinking of what I am missing.

I recently watched an episode of Reba on LIFE. Cheyenne said to her mom, “When did you realize you were old and your life was over? I feel like I know what every day is going to be like. I go to school, come home and I am a mother, and then tomorrow is the same and the day after too.” It was something that the audience was supposed to laugh at, but me, I was saying, “You are so right!”

Lately, women are having kids younger and younger. People say that we are too young to have kids, but to other women who want to have a baby at 39, people say that is too old. Where is the happy medium? Since I have a baby, like so many other young women my age do, does that mean our lives are pretty much over?

I have to say that not everyday is the same for me really. Yes, I do go to school… and I am a mother 24/7, but every day is new and exciting because my daughter learns and does something new every day and that makes me think, my life is just beginning.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Pornography- What's Out There and Who Has Access

January 15, 2008

With one click of her mouse, my 14-year-old cousin was taken to myspice.com rather than myspace.com where she wanted to be. A site that can link you to others like Xxx-Sex-Tonight.com, or FreeHorny-Xxx.com; sites that obviously speak for themselves. For a lot of people, mistyping can be normal, but the place that could take you, could be inappropriate for the viewer.

Pornography is everywhere these days and it seems like society is becoming more immune to it. Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. It is distributed through many media, including magazines, books, television, movies, music, and the Internet. It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol, and drugs are to the body.

With the growth in internet site, there are an estimated 420 million adult web pages online. "For the person who has difficulty stopping, more is only one click away," says sex therapist Louanne Cole Weston, PhD.

However, the addicts are not the only ones who have access to these sites. Children end up finding them when they are not even being sought. A misspelled word could direct you to an eye full of porn rather than the local church website.

Yet, the internet is not all to blame. Some people have no problem leaving evidence of their viewing pleasures around for all to see. While I was putting down my daughter and my best friend’s daughter for a midday nap, I knocked something off the nightstand. When her daughter jumped off the bed to recover the fallen item, it was to my surprise it was a porn DVD. And that was not the only DVD lying around. I accumulated two more that weren’t in their rightfully owned spot, the second drawer of the nightstand.

There is no saying how much more open people can get about their viewing pleasures, and how much more society can take. The E! Channel on TV has done stories on Jenna Jameson and Howard Stern, leaving me to wonder how far porn will make it onto TV where it is all just out in the open.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Wrong Love Led Me

Her heart was beating, and she couldn't understand why. They had just met two days ago. How could she already love him? Were these feelings actually love, or was it just something she felt?

He was tall with black hair and beautiful hazel eyes. None of her friends or family liked him, and they threatened to "disown" her if she decided to be with him. But she didn't care. She made up her mind... or so she thought... it was actually her heart she was following. She left her family and her friends, and never talked to them again for a long time.

Her relationship with him grew. They moved in together and were inseparable. She "loved" him. But time came to tell that, he didn't really love her. He was just pretending to. He treated her like his personal slave, his slave that he could boss around and then use for his own special uses. And when he felt like it, he would abuse her.

She finally got the nerve to say goodbye to him, but when she went back to her parents, she felt as if they were so ashamed of her. She felt as if no one loved her at all.

There was only one thing she could do. There was only one person that would hear her out and listen. So she got down on her knees, folded her hands, closed her eyes, and said: "Dear God, this is it. I never thought anyone loved me, but somehow I felt some love. And now I know the love I was feeling wasn't from him. The peace I found wasn't in him; it was all in you God. You are the love I have needed. The one thing I learned God is, all this time, I haven't been unloved, because you have loved me." - Ashley B. Vincent

Bottom Line: God's love is always there.

John 15:12-13~ 12 This is my commandment, That you love one another, as I have loved you. 13 Greater love have no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.

I John 4:8~ He that love, not know of God, for God is love.

Destination Points:

· Who in my life is taking me from God's love?

· Who is blinding me?

· Do I know God personally so I can feel his love?

· The name of someone who needs to know of God's love is: ___________________________

Boogying with Boogers

January 14, 2008

Off the top of our head we don’t know where boogers come from or what they are made of. We do know every little kid has them and they are disgusting to look at and even worse to touch.

While I was pregnant with my daughter, I babysat my best friend’s daughter, and every day when she was dropped off, her nose was covered in boogers; they were the kind that most consider “rocks.” I couldn’t clean them out, it made me sick. I could never touch another child’s boogers unless it was my own child. From that moment on, I vowed that my daughter’s nose would be booger free 24/7 after she was born.

From October 7, 2006, her nose never has boogers that stay in her nose for more than 5 minutes. Her nose is cleaned daily, mainly in the morning and before bed. Her nose is checked thoroughly and cleaned until it meets my approval. Whatever it takes, I do it. I have used my finger mainly because those little suckers hold on tight to her nostrils. I have used tissues, and even bobby pins. YES, bobby pins.

If I have to, I do this whenever necessary. I take her to a bathroom in public if I see her nose needs to be cleaned, then I will make sure she has it all cleared out. Many people look at me if they see me cleaning her nose and they give me a look of disgust that I am “picking” her nose. Then I look at their kids, and you can’t even see their nose through all the boogers.

I have touched a lot of disgusting stuff since I became a mother, and boogers are not the worst. We all should do a little “boogying” with the “goldmine” in our kid’s noses. It helps them breathe, and makes a better impression when the tots noses are booger free.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY B. VINCENT

Discipline: Can the Way you Discipline Your Child Send You to Jail?

January 11, 2008

“Discipline has to do with teaching, and involves teaching your child right from wrong, how to respect the rights of others, which behaviors are acceptable and which are not, with a goal of helping to develop a child who feels secure and loved, is self-confident, self-disciplined and knows how to control his impulses, and who does not get overly frustrated with the normal stresses of everyday life,” as stated on www.keepkidshealthy.com.

While bringing a child up and trying to disciple her or him, we as parents have tendencies to spank or find a wooden spoon to use. Never did we think that using something could set us up for jail time had someone found out we were doing such a thing. Back in the older days parents would use belts to teach kids a lesson and the teachers at schools would smack kids on the hands with a ruler for disobeying the rules. So no one thinks twice when they grab for a spoon to spank their child.

My aunt used to have a wooden spoon sitting on her countertop for when my cousin behaved badly. One look at that and my cousin would run to her room. My aunt had broken many spoons on my cousins behind, but not in an abusive way. However, when my aunt spoke with someone about using a spoon, the woman said that she could turn in my aunt for child abuse because spanking with a spoon or a hand can be considered a weapon. In which my aunt replied, “I’d rather go to jail for trying to teach my daughter right from wrong than have her grow up doing drugs or ending up in jail herself.”

My mom never had a spoon, she didn’t need one. Not because I was an angel, but because she had hands. I got spanked for doing bad things; I also got time out and grounded, sent to my room and toys taken away.

Me on the other hand, I have been using another method. If my daughter pulls my hair, I pull hers and ask if she likes that, then tell her we don’t pull hair. We have to be nice.

So where do we draw the line? Can we still teach our kids to be good decent people without using “weapons”? Maybe not, but if we turned people in for spanking, than there would be no one left but kids in our society.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY VINCENT

Technology: The Superhero of the 21st Century

January 10, 2008

Ring, ring… who could that be calling? No need to answer the phone before finding out, just look at the caller ID. Conveniently located on the base of the charger, the front panel of the handset, or with Time Warner Cable it is also available on the TV screen.

With a wave of technology passing us every year, it seems new and weirder things seem to hit the market. iPod, BlackBerry, MP3 player, Iphone, or any other things that we cannot explain have taken over the lives of the new generations.

When my friend said she just bought a BlackBerry, I asked why she just bought one and not a pint. With a confused look, she had to explain to me that it was a phone, computer, camera, organizer and GPS all in one and not a black fruit that looked like burnt raspberries. While holding her so called phone, and attempting to call someone, I felt as if I was be suffocated by technology. I didn’t know what I was doing with it, and I couldn’t figure out where the number pad was. This was a serious problem to me. I am 22 year old, and yet I feel like I am back in the 50’s with a brand new television and not able to figure it out.

When I figure out one thing, a new and improved (A.K.A. more confusing to operate) version comes on the market, my new contraption I bought becomes “old school.”

We all know of the no cell phone while driving law, and to that I say, "Thank goodness for Bluetooth." I am not talking about a tooth in our mouths that are blue, this has nothing to do with mouths. This new technology attaches to your ear, so that you can talk hands free on your cell phone. It takes awhile to realize someone is talking on their cell phone rather than to you or themselves when you see them doing it, but that is what it is. You can buy it along with your cell phone and use it anywhere.

As I was growing up, we had a TV in the living room and I was aloud one in my bedroom; a 13” my mom bought me for my 10^th birthday. Back then, it didn’t seem like a problem to have a TV in my room, everyone else had one. That was reason enough for me. My mom, Debra, on the other hand says, “I bought it so that the Nintendo could be hooked up in the bedroom and the living room could be free for company at all times. But if I could go back, I wouldn’t have gotten a TV for your bedroom.”

Kids and electronics: now days it is a war to get a kid of any age to have “family time” in the living room. In an average home, Lucy is in her room on the cordless phone, David is on the cell phone, dad is on the computer, mom is in the living room watching soaps, and little Sally is in her room watching… who knows what.

Not too many kids are out playing. Maybe it is the way we bring up our children. If they aren’t eating or sleeping, they are in front of the TV watching Dora the Explorer or Blue’s Clues. When is it time to set down the foot and say, “Go play with your friends outside, not the ones on the screen.”

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY VINCENT

Saving Claws or Saving Skin

January 9, 2008

What is it about kittens that make us want one? Is it the fur that is still so fluffy and soft feeling? Or is it that they are just small and cuddly?

My boyfriend and I just got a new kitten four days ago. We already have a 10-year-old cat, but when some close friends got a kitten, something inside me longed for one too. We didn’t even talk it through too long, we just looked at each other and I began calling around to find a litter. That night, we were getting to know our new frisky friend we named Boston Cinder.

After the first night we knew we were in for some problem solving. Just on the ride home alone, my boyfriend and I had ended up with countless scratches. We recently bought a new home with new furniture, and of course we had our 15-month-old daughter who could not keep her little hands of the furry little guy. This worried me after I found a scratch on my daughter’s thigh and a tiny rip in the throw pillow on the sofa.

However, Boston Cinder was only two months old and therefore could not be declawed for another two months. I did some searching on Google and found Soft Claws. About.com featured an article by Franny Syufy, in which she stated, “Soft Claws, developed by a veterinarian, ranks high on the list of humane alternatives. Soft Claws comes in a reclosable plastic container, which includes 40 nail caps (enough for several applications), two tubes of adhesive, and instructions for application. If your cat is used to having his nails trimmed, applying Soft Claws is a breeze.” That sold me!

I went down the following night to my local pet store and asked for the caps. That was a sure $20.00 that I thought was a great investment, especially if it saved him from being declawed and saved our skin from scratches. Applying them was a synch and after they were on, I had no worries when my daughter picked him up. She was scratch free and I was in Soft Claws heaven.

Then the next day, one came off. I got the caps back out, applied glue and stuck his nail in. Badda bing badda boom, easy peasy. The next morning I found two plastic caps on the floor, checked his nails and sure enough, two more were off. Was I doing something wrong? No, it was right. The instructions said though that the cats might try to take them off or they may fall off when the nail shed. Well, Boston wasn’t chewing enough from it to come off that way and he hadn’t shed yet. I was now getting annoyed with the daily applications. I was worried my daughter would find the caps on the floor and eat one.

Was this really worth the $20.00? Maybe it was the right decision for a temporary fix before the declawing could take place. In my opinion though, I would not keep buying them in the future. I’d rather sell the kitten and save my 20’s.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY VINCENT

‘Twas the Year before Christmas…

January 8, 2008

1822: “ ‘Twas the night before Christmas…”

1990: “ ‘Twas the month before Christmas…”

2000: “ ‘Twas October before Christmas..”

2007: “ ‘Twas July before Christmas…”

I was reading the famous Christmas story ‘Twas the Night before Christmas by Clement C. Moore to my daughter Tarrah as her second Christmas approached. It was December 24^th, officially known as Christmas Eve, and as I read those words he scripted in 1822; a newer 2007 version entered my head.

With each passing year, Christmas seems to come a little earlier. Not that the date is changing, but the prelude has shifted. Gifts are bought in August, the wrapping is done by September, the decorations are bought in October and the Christmas songs come in November, immediately after Halloween. The stores are all bright and decorated, Thanksgiving is just a reminder for Black Friday and Santa Claus is the centerpiece in every mall. This past July when I walked into Big Lots, to my amazement, plastic Santa Claus heads were hanging in my face for Christmas in July. Christmas in July!?!

I was excited that my daughter was going to be 14 months old this year on Christmas so that she could have some fun unwrapping gifts and things, but by the time Thanksgiving came, I was oddly ready for the holidays to be over. I was sick of all the Christmas carols on the radio and sick of sleigh bells ringing in my ears at the store.

What was happening? Wasn’t Christmas special anymore? Didn’t it hold magic or wonder like it used to? Maybe as we grow into adults, the magic is overshadowed by the madness of the season.

I had no energy to run to the tree in the morning, I was not motivated to open presents, and by the time the snow fell it was after Christmas.

When I was little, my eyes used to light up at the sight of presents under the tree, now I know I am the one putting them there for my daughter. I used to have to eat breakfast first before presents, now I am the one making breakfast for my fidgeting little girl. After Christmas dinner at Grandma’s I used to go out and play in the snow, but now my daughter cannot do that because there is no snow on the ground due to global warming.

I used to love Christmas music whenever it would play, but now between November and January, that is all the radio plays. I used to love looking at my Christmas gifts under the tree for Christmas week until my mom put them away, now I am the one putting them away, putting in the batteries, putting together the kitchen set, setting up the playhouse, and programming things to talk.

Maybe when we all grow older and become the adults we always wanted to be when we were kids, Christmas becomes almost dreaded. The true meaning has been obscured and the new meanings have grown tiresome.

Then there are those who wish us to keep Christmas present all year long. Now that would be the icing on the fruit cake.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY VINCENT

Abuse: To Laugh or to Cry?

January 7, 2008

By: Ashley B. Vincent

I have found it quite amazing the way things change in society. I myself have a 15 month old daughter who is in the stages of exploration. She seems to find every new and old way to hurt herself. Not on propose, she doesn’t understand that word. But just by falling down, running into walls, hitting her head from crawling under the table, or shaking her rattle too hard it hits her face, she has experienced her share of pain. If she is anything like me, she will be an accident waiting to happen.

However, now day’s people make jokes that I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was in my second full year at Broome Community College in Binghamton, New York. After she was born, I decided to take a year off from school until I went back to graduate, so that I could spend time with my new bundle of joy.

When the year quickly came and passed, I made my decision fast. There was no way she was going to go to any daycare, and there was no way someone I didn’t know and trust was going to be watching my daughter. I had watched the news, looked at CNN and read the newspaper. Many kids were dying at the hand of their guardians, parents or daycare providers. Some kids weren’t even dying, they were just being abused. Diapers shoved in mouths, being held to the floor using corporal punishment, and shaken until they were a statistic of Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS). I do have to say that not every place for kids is bad, but how do you choose the good apples from the bad ones without tasting one first?

I was not going to let anything happen to my daughter of any sort. (Even if that meant not going back to school, but doing it online or through the mail.) Luckily though, my boyfriend’s mother took charge and retired to watch her granddaughter. I knew she was in good hands and I could rest easy.

However, no mother can rest easy when every new step of their child ends up in a screaming cry because they bumped their head on the table or bruised their butt on the hard-tiled kitchen floor. And like every other child on earth, my daughter still is gaining her marks of growing. Every day she has some new scratch or bruise.

When my daughter came home from her grandmother’s the first day with I bump on her forehead from hitting it on the side table, my boyfriend made the crack to his mom, “What did my daughter do for you to beat her?” Now I know he was kidding, and so did she, but when did society decide that was something funny we could say? I have to admit, I have said something like that too, and when I say it, I feel like my mind steps back from my physical self and says, “THIS HAS TO BE WRONG!” There used to be a line that we shouldn’t cross, but where is it now? I was stunned. I was confused too. I didn’t know whether to laugh because she wouldn’t do that, or cry because that happens all around the world to kids.

I do know there is one line that never can be crossed that there is no way to joke about abuse, and that is in a sexual manner. But what is the difference between sexual abuse and physical abuse to not only kids but adults as well that makes it okay to joke about? Is society not on the same wave length? If we joke about abuse are we the ones that can abuse? If we laugh, should we be convicted or shunned?

There is no sand, but I think we ought to redraw the line that used to be in it. There should be no joking when someone’s well-being is at stake.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 ASHLEY VINCENT