The last time I saw you, you were in blue. I remember it so well because it accented your eyes. The last time we talked, you said, “I love you” to me. I distinctly remember because I love you too. Now that we are apart, it’s hard to say what I want to, or exactly what is on my mind. Although I know you are coming home someday, I still find it hard to be by myself with the kids. The radio updated me on the circumstances. I guess I just don’t want to accept the fact that one of these days, your name might be read on the “Killed In Action” list. What would I tell the kids?
December 21, 2004
Days have been long. I can barely sleep at night thinking about what tomorrow may or may not bring. I don’t want any UNWANTED news to disturb my peace. I just want you to show up at the door. I want to see your face, touch your hand, and kiss your lips… anything and everything I haven’t been able to do since you have been gone. Doesn’t the president know I need you here with me? If he does, then why doesn’t he send you back?
December 22, 2004
I received a letter from you today. I was so happy to hear from you. The neighbor girl advised me not to look in the envelope too much… because I probably wouldn’t find you in the bottom of it.
December 23, 2004
The kids wrote their letters to Santa today. They were nothing like I was expecting. Marianna wrote:
“Dear Santa,
This year, I don’t want toys. I don’t want candy canes, caramel popcorn, or even that puppy I have been asking for. I don’t want you to give me anything fancy. Forget the Barbie’s, and the Easy Bake Ovens. Can you simply wrap my daddy up and him under the tree? I think he may be overseas. [Mommy says he is.] I don’t have the directions, but I am sure you know how to find him. I trust you and I know you can do it. And I will give you money for gas for the sleigh… or grain for the reindeer so they have enough energy… but the long drive and ride is worth this present. I promise. It would mean the world to me.
Thank You,
Marianna”
David wrote:
“Dear Santa,
I miss my daddy. He hasn’t seen my new shoes. I got the ones with the air pump in the flap so that I can shot the hoops like Michael Jordan does. Can you bring him to me… he needs to be here for Christmas… you understand.
Thank You,
David”
I know that what they wrote is really simple, but it touched my heart and made me cry. I know Santa cannot bring you here. Obviously. But I do hope he can maybe bring a letter with good news.
December 24, 2004
Here it is, two letters for the kids they’re even address from Santa. But I know your handwriting. I know they are from you dear. I know it is cause you sent one to me too for a personal Christmas gift. I put the letters under the tree for the kids. Marianna and David keep looking at them envelopes waiting for Christmas to strike. I heard David ask her if you were in one… she snapped at him and said, “THE ENVELOPES ARE TOO SMALL!” I want them to open them as much as they do.
December 25, 2004
It’s 6:00am. I can’t sleep. I can’t stand being away from you. ESPECIALLY on Christmas day. I am watching the news now… the Iraqi war seems to have no end in sight.
The kids woke up at 7:00am. They hurried straight to the tree and grabbed their letters. I watched as they carefully read each word precisely, making sure not to miss one thing. They perked up when they were finished. David even said, “These aren’t from Santa… they are from daddy.”
December 26, 2004
It is exactly 12:13am. I just read your letter. It was beautiful. I wanted to wait until the grandfather clock struck midnight so I could read it on our anniversary. Ohhh- every word was so beautiful. I have never in my life wanted you with me more than I do at this exact moment in time. I keep your wedding band close to my hear on the chain around my neck. I can’t stop grasping it when I feel I am missing you.
Ps. Your letter to me…
“My Dearest Julie:
MERRY CHRISTMAS! But more importantly HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! What I wouldn’t give to be with you… brushing the hair from your face each morning, and watching you fall asleep each night.
What I wouldn’t give to kiss you, hold you and never let go.
I have done nothing but anticipate a notice from my captain saying I can go home. Finally one arrived today. I am flying out of here on New Year’s Day. So save me that New Year’s kiss!
See you soon pumpkin. I will be counting every second until I am with my kids, my wife and the place I belong again. I love you more than a billion shinning stars in the sky.
~Erick
December 27, 2004
I informed Marianna and a David of you coming home. She insisted she be the one to tell David. She woke him up at 8:00am to “deliver the news.” That’s what she told me. Remember the life-size doll of Marianna’s? She put a picture of your face on it and a big banner saying:
“I’M ON MY WAY HOME SPORT!”
She put it in David’s room next to his new shoes. David screamed when he saw it. I could tell he was much more than excited. We all are.
December 28, 2004
The phones have been tied up all day here. With Marianna and David wanting to call the whole nation to let them know you are coming home, the house phone has been assigned to David and Marianna has use of my cell. (those are going to be two large bills- but they are worth every penny.)
December 29, 2004
I just got today’s mail. I had to drive to the post office to get it. There was a sack of 100 letters for us. FROM ALL OVER! The kids called everyone and anyone. They even called the news. They are coming here to interview the kids to get a reaction. I put all the cards and letters in the guest room that has gradually turned itself into “Erick’s War Memorial Room” since you have left.
Lord have mercy! My Erick baby is coming home to me!
December 30, 2004
I cleaned up the house today. Made it nice for you to come home to. I cried all day. I guess it is just the anxiety of seeing you. I cannot even express the anticipation my heart is going through.
December 31, 2004
Marianna and David went to bed early. They said, “Time goes by faster if we are sleeping. Daddy will be here faster then.”
January 1, 2005
I heard the news at half past two this morning. Channel 12 covered the scene of the accident. I was so devastated when they said there were no survivors. I am so unsure of what to tell the kids. How are they going to take it? What are they going to say? How do I tell them without breaking their little hearts that the Iraqi’s shot down the plane their father was on? How do I tell them in so many words?
Its 5pm now. I told them earlier. I haven’t seen them since. They have been crying in their rooms all day and into the night. Neither wants dinner and had no lunch. I made them sandwiches and a glass of milk and left it by their doors. I just don’t know what to do. I think I will go to bed early and think. I love you so much Erick.
January 2, 2005 Erick’s Entry
It’s 7am. This might be awkward. I came home today. I wasn’t on the plane that was shot down. They moved me before take off and that’s when it happened. I saw it all too. It was crazy. The sight still moves in my mind. But I thank God and my lucky stars that I lived. I had a change in my life within a second. And I am home now. I think I will go and wake up my darling wife and my little princess and price. Let them know I am ok.
Julie’s Entry
What a day… he came home. There was someone watching over him. And I knew he’d be back. And now that he is, I am not going to let him leave again.
No comments:
Post a Comment